Wednesday 28 February 2018

Power 2

I'm not sure if this is the last word in the sorry saga of the service user, but it's been about 6 weeks since I had any contact with my adviser. I emailed her boss on Monday to try and find out what was going on. Apparently she (my adviser) didn't receive my emails. I find that hard to believe; there has been no indication mail didn't get sent properly and it's a little too convenient but, as they say, we are where we are.

So I ended up having a conversation on the phone with the boss. I cannot say that I feel good about it all. In fact I feel as if I've had the proverbial rug pulled from beneath me; that I've been subject to the old bait and switch tactic.

When I first started with these people, as anyone that's read these blogs will attest, I felt pretty positive about it. There was no conditionality attached, and, it seemed, no hidden agendas. Now, I'm not so sure. Two things seem to have changed: firstly there is conditionality they just didn't bother telling me. I mentioned this before alluding to their wellbing programme which is what they want me to do, only they didn't bother to tell me this. Instead they pretend a sense of kindly exasperation and say 'hey we're struggling to know what to do with you'. In a peculiar way that makes me think their priority is themselves and their results (presumably how they get funding) rather than what's in my best interests.

Secondly, according, to the boss, there are new rules in play; sent from on high (the heaven of great funding). I find this hard to believe but each service user is now limited to £50 worth of funding - for anything. More importantly this would include bus fares. Fifty quid won't see you get far on First Buses! It sounds utterly absurd. They get their funding from the Lottery and the European Social Fund (that'll be gone post Brexit I imagine, so across the country organisations like these will be bereft). I have no idea what the reason for this is, maybe it's our government, maybe it's the EU. I don't know but the upshot is that it will make this course and any others like it impossible. I must have received that much or near enough already! The whole thing is ridiculous.

Now I won't say that the boss wasn't friendly, but, as ever with these situations, they simply do not take responsibility. The tenor of the conversation seemed to be, as I've said, "we're struggling to help you", but in so doing they kept introducing all these things that I'd never heard of before, including conditionality. Apparently they even have quiz afternoons! I said I had never heard of this and her response was they are on the board. This means they are written on the board in their office. Aside from adding a qualifier to the initial claim, how would I know what's on the board? But if I was on the wellbeing course, I'd be part of this. That's the problem; they keep pointing to things and services they offer - but don't make you aware of unless you're in the office all the time. Thad's ridiculous and it's unfair - especially on someone that's a victim of social isolation. How do you think it makes me feel to be told everyone else is having a gay old time at the quiz or social event or whatever if you don't tell me they are happening? When I started there was no mention of any compulsory attendance to a wellbeing course - and my objections to that still stand: these sessions are simplistic and put too much onto the shoulders of the individual while ignoring the social context. This is unacceptable, no matter how much tea and biscuits you offer!

I asked about training, which was briefly mentioned, but didn't really get much of an answer. In fact, now that I think about it, she didn't seem to have any idea of what they offered at all. I imagine it's the usual 'cv training' bollocks I've heard of before. That is, not actual training, but the soft stuff which, while useful to some no doubt, doesn't really go far enough and won't get you a job. No matter hw polished your CV not only will it make no difference compared to someone with a life history of solid work experience, but the DWP will find something to complain about (ie an excuse to send you to their CV course).

What she did tell me about was the existence of 'job profiling' or even 'personality profiling' where they match you based on relevant traits to jobs that are then considered suitable accordingly. This is all bullshit, even if by some miracle these tests revealed some dream vocation you'd never have thought of otherwise, how are you going to get that job? As if the DWP will ever help you find that  - unless your dream job is Tesco shelf stacker. It's pointless.

But, in the end, this is all these organisations ever seem to be about. They will pretend to be your friend. They will make you feel at ease before telling you how shit really works and then expect you to do it. Finally they will dress up vacuous and simplistic activities as profound opportunities to either self discovery or imagined door openings (your dream job).

Is this really good enough?

Thursday 15 February 2018

Power

So we can see just how power works, and it is never a good thing.

A "hand up" not a "hand out"; in other words we can pay to print a CV or the cost of a stamp, but to feed yourself? Have a life? Enjoy a few nice things? No chance. Who gets to decide for me what I can or can't have? It seems the inheritors of wealth who through privilege get to make policy, enforced through monopolised violence, for the rest of us.

This model seems to be exactly how social enterprises work; the charities and agencies that profess to help the poor, the unemployed, and the sick. This includes schemes dreamt up by the government, or any wannabe philanthropist who claims to have a conscience. The Work Programme is no different.

Ultimately they all end up the same. Sooner or later you reach the limit of what they have to offer. It isn't very difficult, but the result is never positive. It is always an exercise in victim blaming. We can't help you - even though in many cases they have barely tried.

The most insidious aspect of this is the power dynamic. That's what it always comes down to, and this is why I'm an anarchist (at least in principle). Power. Those that have it can do what they like, and those that don't get to suffer or struggle. My adviser can tell me that "I'm struggling to know how we can help you" and I can point out all the reasons that's bullshit. I could point out, for example, that I have said a number of things that I'm interested in that she hasn't once looked into. It won't make any difference because, no matter how correct my observations might be, she has the power. She can just shrug her shoulders - even agree - and walk away with the power. In other words I'm the one that loses out. I'm the one that gets discarded by an agency that, happily, sets itself up as being a positive force in the community, happily takes funding streams from whomever, but doesn't seem to use them to do anything above refunding the odd bus journey. They have the power, but they do not have the responsibility.

Power does not equal nor compel responsibility, it's us that has to force that accountability. It is never conceded. Why would it be? I believe that we should be compelling a lot more. We need to take that power for ourselves. Why should people have to rely on these hapless agencies who seem to have nothing to offer. They have zero influence over the systems that put people into the sorts of circumstances that lead them to become service users in the first place. It's just a comfortable position.

So I'm looking at another rejection from another so-called social enterprise. I don't know for certain what will happen as they have failed to respond in over a week. I find that ridiculous. How does this help build people's confidence? All the excuses in the world do not change the reality: they hold the power, they shape the outcome - they accept no responsibility. If you're receiving all this funding, to run a social enterprise, then the least you can do is provide a service.

And if the best you have to offer is pop psychology over tea and biscuits, offered to people with complex and long standing mental health difficulties, I would argue you are not just irresponsible you are downright dangerous. These issues are not fixed with a simple "pull your socks up lad" or a "smile and the world smiles with you", and especially not "the colour purple means you are creative!". This sort of world view is utter ignorance, it isn't even fair to call it mental health, it's just spurious American Self Help Guru bollocks of the worst kind. It is self aggrandising and at best a huge waste of money.

But no matter whether I have the right of it or not, they have the power. They can just say "we can't help you then" and I'm the one left out in the cold with nowhere else to turn. This doesn't exactly help build self confidence.

Tuesday 6 February 2018

Same Old Bullshit

Since last Summer, as I've mentioned a few times, I've been 'working' with another social enterprise, this one is called Team North Somerset. I didn't mention them before because, fuck it I am now. I don't know what else to call these sorts of organisations but social enterprises, they aren't strictly speaking charities, as far as I can tell, but they are not government agencies, like the DWP.

I say have been working; that should probably be past tense because this relationship looks like it's going to go the same way as my experience with all the rest - including the professional liars at the Salvation Army on the Work Programme back in the day.

Of course they will say it's all my fault - that I'm not engaging - but it's just the same old victim blaming narrative and an easy excuse to get rid of someone that isn't giving them the results they need for funding, or whatever. In this case they have lottery funding so that shouldn't - according to the impression I was given - be an issue. But these people are all fundamentally dishonest: they pretend to be your friend and then walk away.

I'm sick of dealing with people like that in my life, I find it incredibly difficulty to process and it's fundamentally disappointing not to be able to make concrete and lasting relationships. But they don't care.

So what happened?

Well, it's been two weeks since I was last told by my adviser, who had otherwise seemed quite nice and accepting of my position, issues and feelings on various topics, that she wanted to 'catch up'. Great, I thought. Then I hear nothing for ages. This is not the first time, by the way. I only hear from them when I go into their office to get bus fare refunded (guess that won't be happening anymore) and visit the creative writing class they paid (£5 - hardly Big Lottery Pounds!) for that I wanted to do (guess that won't be happening anymore).

Last time we met was at the start of the year - a meeting again I had to prompt. She asked me how I was and I told her that I was struggling. She hadn't seen me before suggesting I meet with the colour therapist. I told her how that went, which is to say I found it a complete waste of time. What do they expect - colour fucking therapy? Seriously? These people have no understanding of mental health if they think looking at a purple sunset or wearing a green coat is going to make any difference.

Anyway we discussed a few things: she agreed that bus fare is a problem and that she would ask about getting a monthly ticket (at least one). I told her about my interest in music and she said she'd go away and look into that, and she also mentioned something about writing - possibly journalism - that I can't fully recall that she was also going to bone up on. Ok, sounds great. She also seemed to accept my position on their wellbeing (including colour therapy) programme. To reiterate: I'm not interested in sitting in a group of three discussing magic thinking and pop psychology. I am not here to be victim blamed or sold all the usual 'think positive!' crap that doesn't change your life, doesn't change the fundamental problems in our system, and only leaves you feeling negative that nothing has changed!

But it appears not.

I emailed her on Monday to find out what was happening. She got back to me this morning with a polite ultimatum. Apparently she is 'struggling' to help and that, if I don't agree to do these wellbeing/colour therapy courses they are going to take their toys (which is to say financial support) and walk away. This would also, at this critical time (as I'm still due a WCA), support in applying for and dealing with Universal Credit, if it transpires I'm no longer able to claim ESA.

This is what she said:

"My expectations will be for you to attend the sessions here with...and... if you wish to continue. That would be to attend two sessions each week.  I fully understand if you feel this is not what you want and if you wish to exit the programme that’s ok and you can still engage in courses that are run by the Carlton Centre."

So we go from a position of mutual understanding and of respecting my feelings to giving up on the things you were going to look into, abandon me to the vagaries of the DWP and walk the fuck away.

No, I don't wish to exit the programme, nor have I ever said that I did. I do think that it doesn't have much to offer (except providing computers to look up volunteer work, of which there isn't much that's worthwhile - but they don't look into anything on their end either, despite all the Big Lottery Pounds they have been given).

This is how it works folks. You are dealing with people that simply do not understand or appreciate how difficult it is for folks with mental health, social isolation, and general difficulties to actually do something. To wit (she goes on to say):


"Please don’t take this as a negative, but as I said I feel that this may not be the right project at the moment for you. 

I have asked you on several occasions on how I can help you and I have had nothing to really work on."

But this is a lie, we agreed on at least 3 things, I have mentioned them above, she could look into and hasn't. So what does that say?

Don't take our rejection and abandonment of you, at a difficult time when you are struggling with depression and anxiety, as a negative though! When we first met she even told me she personally knew the DWP Work Psychologist (the one that claimed she could perform an Aspergers diagnosis test, but lied). So I had asked the adviser to speak with her about this situation. Of course you can guess where taht went.

Unfortunately while it may not 100% be the right project, the reality is, thanks to our shit government and shit system, it is the ONLY project. I was told at the outset that this organisation was partnered with a group, based in Bristol, called WECIL who are funded by the same source and thus were partners. That turned out to be bollocks, funding stops at the regional border and they, WECIL, offer very little outside of Bristol. A fact they reminded me off when I emailed them last week. They were supposed to have put me on their mailing list but I hadn't heard anything.

This is the reality of support. If you don't live in the right place, your options are seriously limited. If you deal with someone they will claim to have a range of knowledge experience and/or contacts that they don't have. Ultimately this will come back around and bite you on the ass because it will mean that they will say "we are struggling to help you" and you will get the blame - i.e. they will shake your hand and wave bye bye.


So it seems I will have to attend, not one, but both of these courses in order to continue receiving the meagre, but useful, help that exists. This could be crucial if I have to claim UC - but then equally they could be fucking useless there as well. At the very least I have something.

The price of support is to attend a colour therapy weekly session that I have no interest in that I know is not scientifically valid support and is just faddish nonsense. Look if colours make you feel good, great, and if this idea interests you, great. I'm not knocking that. But do not tell me it is going to change the reality of the life I lead nor the system I live in. Purple (the colour of creativity apparently - whatever that means, she couldn't tell me) clothing isn't something I can afford nor want to.

It also means attenting the weekly wellbeing session (not either, both ffs!) as well, where I will be told about positive thinking and goal setting and all this drivel I've heard before. All of which assumes I don't try and do things, don't have goals, etc. I've seen the curriculum, it includes topics like "what makes you feel good"?!? I don't even know if I want to be compelled to discuss that. Isn't that a personal matter; moreover doesn't it change depending on the circumstances. Like music, what I enjoy one moment changes to the next. But that's too nuanced for this. The goal of which will be to offer a simplistic and glib response ("I like a nice sunset") so you can be told to experience more of it ("well, go and watch a sunset and your life will transform"). I didn't sign up for Paul McKenna new age bullshit. I signed up for credible support which is supposed to have funding. Things like bus fares and benefits advice help me. Not the colour fucking purple! I'm not Prince!

Addendum (clever word for 'I forgot to include this at first'): I'm not sorry for spelling errors, piss poor grammar, or a rambling prose here. I needed to get this off my chest. I'm fucking tired of these organisations.

Sunday 4 February 2018

Week 4 - Go Away Miss McVey

So this isn't really news, but who cares. I'm struggling to keep up with it all.

For reasons best known only to Brexit, failed Wirral MP and 'bootrstrap' mentality peddler, Esther McVey, has been given the reigns of power at the DWP. Even through the lens of Brexit, which really is the ideology pulling the Tories' strings right now, this is a baffling position. One might be forgiven for assuming they want some hardnut at the helm.

I wouldn't call her that, though her rhetoric is certainly just as ignorant, and she is certainly just as selfish. I mentioned bootstrap mentality; that's where she comes from. She's another of these 'self made' types; the nouveau capitalist that thinks they got where they are off the back of a little light Milton Friedmanomics and a 'can do' attitude. Just the same way Trump thinks his own effort made him the man he is, not the millions he got from his dad (including illegal casino chips). She's the sort that thinks reading something like the business equivalent of Paul McKenna and doing some 'cosmic ordering' will bring success your way. And if it doesn't, well it's because you're lazy. In short, she's ignorant.

Ignorant of the lived experience of the poor, the disabled. Ignorant of the mechanisms of a profit driven economy that produces this bootstrap mentality - necessary for the few to keep chasing inexorably falling rates of profit. Capitalism is unsustainable. Of course she has no idea about this and those few, the people 'at the top' - the so-called strivers - are the only people she sees with her Tory tunnel vision fear goggles.

I have no idea what changes she will wring at the DWP. I suspect not many. She will have been ideologically melded to the dark horse of Universal Credit. That's where she will pin her flag, because she will have no choice. Her ignorance of economy and society will inform nothing more than a paucity of ideology and all she will say is that "the evidence supports this" because that's all she can say. In the age of compliant client media (the BBC), with its fawning adulants, this will not be questioned and is the go to response for everything. A good example is how the DWP has been allowed to get away with statements as outrageous and pernicious as "people are grateful for sanctions". Utter fucking eyewash.

However more insidious was the revelation - admitted freely by the Samaritans - that one of the members of their advisory board is the very same Esther McVey! How can this be parsed in any way other than to say the Samaritans are compromised. They are partisan. The tragedy of this is that they have a lot of good people (I'm sure) volunteering and there, on the frontline, such people are betrayed by those at the top of yet another filthy hierarchy. The Samaritans are meant to help people, but they are run like any other corporate entity - and with advice from the very people that are putting the poorest in society to the pyre. This is the most egregious conflict of interest.

As I write this it seems McVey has stood down. I suspect this was a mutual decision - the kind that should have been made openly and horizontally - with members of the community of mental health sufferers and carers and experts. But of course that would never have happened - isn't that telling?

The tragedy of this outcome is that it tells me the Samaritans didn't really want her to go, but the bad press (to which I hope I contributed in some small way) on social media forced their hand. That's a pretty pathetic position for them to be in. It doesn't inspire confidence to think that they didn't wake up to themselves of their own volition, but that instead she left herself. They should never have had her in that position to begin with given her history.

This is the reality of mental health support within a capitalist context in a nutshell. Support can only properly come from a community, a shared experience that is horizontal - equal - in nature. Not led by dodgy politics and imposed top down by those with an agenda.

I cannot in good conscience advise people away from the Samaritans. Again it is not the fault of their regular staff that they are run by scumbags. In fact this time last year I was in one of their offices, I was a service user. The people I poured my heart out too were very nice: they listened. Bit what could they do? What power do they have? And that is the problem. Of course it doesn't really help when their offices are not located discreetly, but instead opposite to and surrounded by busy pubs and bars with a frontage emblazoned with Samaritans logo. I'm stood outside trying to get their attention (they don't answer the door while they are busy with other service users) and everyone around can see and know exactly why I'm there.

Drowning and waving.

I'm Back!

Years and years ago, before anyone had ever heard of disease and pandemics, I started this blog. I gave it a stupid name from an Alan Partri...