Still Not Much Help

Lean times for people that need help or even just want to do something different. I've managed to prise a letter from my GP as he has now spoken with The Psychologist. Not surprisingly the letter tells me next to nothing. I still have no idea what the test I undertook was actually for; it wasn't to get on the sick, and it wasn't to give a diagnosis. This is the same language used by the Fit Note culture: telling me what the test was not for is not telling me anything. Similarly telling people what a person with disabilities can do is ignoring those disabilities. And to what end? So they can be shuffled into the great queue for jobs. Worse, the queue for the average sort of work (ie the only sort of work) you will find via the DWP. So something like writing from home isn't ever going to come through that system. The letter does acknowledge that, while in principle arbeitmachtfrei - sorry, work cures all (that's what I meant to say of course!), in practical terms I need the right sort of work.

But that's not how the jobcentre works. I face the prospect of being referred to the Work Programme when next I sign (Friday, the sense of dread is already peaking once again - something my GP has no understanding of either. I'm amazed I haven't turned to drink or weed this far into my life). I've already been told that The Psychologist isn't interested in supporting my call for the right sort of help there, because, according to her, they are not compelled to listen to her. Does that mean she shouldn't even bother to rubber stamp a letter from me telling them what I need? What happens if it transpires they aren't interested in listening to me either?

That's the problem, and that's what no one I'm dealing with seems to understand. My GP seems to think that between them the 'job shop' as he calls it should be helping me appropriately. Unfortunately as we all know the reality as experienced by people on the front line having to deal with the DWP and its partners, nothing is ever so simple, nor is it guaranteed; and unfortunately for me raising this point isn't being pragmatic - it's being negative. That, according to the new right wing religion, isn't allowed.

The Myth of the Just World

Following from Thursday's surprise call from the jobcentre I had my signing yesterday along with meeting The Psychologist for the outcome of the test. It's all somewhat confusing. Though signing went smoothly I'm still not really sure where I stand with respect to this test. She seemed to indicate that I have something called Non Verbal Learning Disability which, I'm told, is a newly discovered neuro-diverse condition (if indeed that's the appropriate word) and that I may also have ADD. It all seems to be about tendencies: getting a concrete yes or no seems impossible and, I get the feeling, inappropriate. Unfortunately the system requires that degree of certainty (as do I, quite frankly).

A preliminary questionnaire answered from the first appointment prior to the test itself led her to conclude that I suffered from anxiety (duh) and depression. Now I can't attest to whether I feel the latter (I'd say more frustration than depression, but I can't really be objective). She was surprised and concerned I wasn't getting treatment for this. I explained that the CMHT aren't interested and that my GP isn't much better. He thinks the CMHT are useless and has said that they wouldn't see me for a routine diagnosis of such a condition (I had asked). This is compounded by his belief that 'getting a job' would cure my addled mind - and therein lies the problem.

I'm still not really any closer to any kind of solution, or even a diagnosis. She went through the test results, but I didn't walk away with some kind of certificate - ie a concrete diagnosis of something I can take to my GP (or indeed anyone) to work with. I have a letter from her with the promise that the results will be made available to him, though I suspect that an actual result - a diagnosis - won't be forthcoming, and she made it clear, after the test, she wasn't qualified to diagnose Aspergers. What does any of this mean: I am told I have (possibly) x or y condition, but then on the other hand that it means nothing, in terms of getting support or help (because at the very least getting a job is the be all and end all).

This is difficult for me to articulate, but it seems that they - the experts - are happy for you to have tests, even be diagnosed, etc, but only insofar as that it doesn't mean you actually have any kind of problem. Society doesn't like weakness and has grown intolerant of weakness: problems, physical emotional or mental, are there simply to be overcome. It's just easier to tell someone that getting a job would solve their problems. My GP tells me that 'if you could find the right job (so to speak) it would be better for you'; consequently writing sick/fit notes is seen as anathema - it makes things worse. They simply believe you will otherwise whither and die presumably in front of Daytime TV on cannabis. I find that insulting.

This realisation exposes the truth of the right wing agenda as it's based on the just world fallacy - if only you could find the right job everything would be great and all your problems would be healed. There's an almost Christian ring to it, but that should come as no surprise of course: much of our current thinking is based on Christian social ideology - work now reward later. Of course that's a means of control, which is why the likes of Eric Pickles support it.

The truth is that I can't ignore the problems I have - that's why they are problems. Certainly I can try to overcome them, receive help to do so. However in that I am only human; all the self help superstar guru rhetoric doesn't make it any easier and doesn't guarantee success in an increasingly hostile social environment in trying to overcome problems. So when I'm given the choice between Work Programme and Work Choices (if indeed there's a difference between them), I have to wonder what the point of it all is. The goal in both cases is the same: pay a social enterprise firm to get me into work. I'm also told that, despite the recommendation of Work Choices, on the basis they exist to help people with problems (to put it simplistically), they aren't specialists in dealing with, for instance, neuro diversity, depression or anxiety. So what's the point? But of course what choice do I have.

It's like being told that you need to learn to drive and then learning that you have a visual impairment that makes driving impossible and then being told you need to learn to drive to overcome it. The whole system, with it's bias toward the marketplace, is the problem. I commented to The Psychologist that my emotional state won't change anytime soon (she said 'in time it will') to make the point that the system is the problem. Another analogy would be comparing it to washing your hands in dirty water - how clean will they be?

I may edit this post as I process all these perspectives over time. On Monday I again see my GP and will of course present him with The Psychologist's report and tell him what she thinks. I doubt much would change; he's ideologically opposed to writing a sick note and I have no doubt he will defensively reinforce his errant belief in the just world fallacy. Unfortunately, what he refuses to accept is that we don't live in the 'but if you....' world, that's why it's a fallacy. Equally unfortunately he, like many others (especially the Coalition), doesn't accept the reality of his point of view.

Back to Work

The job of looking for work that is. I'm due in next Friday (6th of January) and the holidays ended on Tuesday with the Bank Holiday (New Years is over the weekend so that doesn't count). I'm not entirely sure how much they can reasonably expect me to accomplish in my efforts to find work between Wednesday and next Friday, but I'm sure it won't be any less than is normal. I've already looked on the JC website - useless as ever - and there isn't much at all, unsurprisingly.
This festive season has been, without doubt, the most stressful of all I can remember. I'm still feeling the effects. I went into town yesterday and it's just so busy. I don't know how people can work in that kind of environment, but the Christmas temps/kids seem to be full of beans. That's the way the world expects you to be, all the time (well at least during the working day). Unfortunately, that's just not me. I can't be the person.
Unfortunately dealing with doctors is no help at all. They just don't take me seriously. But I feel so out of it at times at the moment. How on earth I'd be expected to function in a full time working environment I do not know, even one that isn't busy like the holiday sales on the high street. Having to deal with someone else's time schedule would be extremely difficult, especially with my screwed up metabolism (diagnosed though not specifically hypoglycaemia).
Doctors seem not to take you seriously unless you are dying on your feet. We are back to the grey area again: the system thinks either you are 100% fit or you must prove you are 100% not. Anything inbetween defaults to the former without exception. Whenever I've spoken to the GP they take a similar view; they will tell me that because I can act reasonably normally that they don't want to 'medicalise' my issues. They see that as somehow 'giving in' to the problem and thus making it worse. Unfortunately they don't understand that's how the welfare state works and the only alternative is having zero income. The great fallacy they and most people fall into believing is that if you 'sign off' you will immediately get work (or conversely if you sign on you instantly become unemployable, which is what my GP thinks). So regardless of the consequence of a lack of support, that is the preferable choice. So we are left to cope and manage as best we can, stumbling along the way.
I know my GP has told me he feels signing me off would only hinder my chances of returning to or finding work. That's all well and good, and no doubt being unwell will be viewed negatively by future potential employers - which is a sad indictment of the labour market - but what's the alternative? Penalise the sick? It's the system that's at fault. He, like many I suspect, expects the Jobcentre to do the job he thinks you want him to do: to help you and supprot you. But they are not doctors or therapists and, while you claim JSA (in lieu of an alternative), you sill have to abide by its conditionality.
It's also not helped when the GP regards your issues (as one did in respect of the above hypglycaemia condition) that because it hasn't killed me, it isn't a big deal (and she wondered why i had a 'face like thunder'). They think they are being helpful, setting you straight or even putting your mind at rest, but their ignorance of the system makes things worse. It's like the bus driver saying 'this is where i stop' when you wanted to go to the other end of town and then telling you 'it's ok, i'm sure another bus will be along in a minute'.
Doctors just don't get how the welfare system works and unfortunately don't want to. That's their prerogative and I can understand that - to a point. But it doesn't really help people that aren't getting any help and are struggling to cope with an inflexible monolithic welfare monster.