Mental Health - Tesco remix

In which I attempt to explain the lived experience, at least mine, of mental health. Let us paint a picture using...black...black like the crows eyes mother!

Ahem...

So I was going to talk more broadly. But having just returned from Tesco I have more succinct example of living in capitalist society with stress, suitably mundane. I'm short £3.58 (taunted by a receipt and my own ineptitude) because, caught by the stress of shopping and dealing with those godforsaken self service machines, I forgot to collect my change. The staff couldn't help. Of course that can't: it's a fact of capitalism that would lead that person, not Mr Tesco, to take the blame if they refunded my the money - which Mr Tesco could easily afford -  and found I'd scammed them. So they have to assume I'm not being honest.

That's what capitalism does to people. People who aren't Mr Tesco. People like me and I'm sure thousands of others struggling every day with not enough of anything except stress. Those machines are a nightmare and of course the shop itself is large loud and full of equally stressed people.

Although I can afford this, it doesn't mean it isn't a loss. I'm lucky in that I've saved my income for the inevitable (yet still distant as of writing) cancellation of my ESA and the forced migration onto UC.

I was just buying food and yet it has, thanks to capitalism and stressed mental health  (as if the two aren't connected), become onerous and difficult. Automated checkouts rarely work leaving the user to impotently rage at its programmed (and thus false) politeness while the minimum wage staff are replaced. No one wins here (except the lucky fucker who walked off with my change no doubt unawares).

There is no forgiveness for your mistakes. This system and the society it has bred cannot tolerate mistakes. Instead it labels you as at fault - which is technically true but the emotional weight is unnecessary. You are thus seen as a failure. Society shouldn't divide people like this, we all make mistakes, it's just some of us can't afford to endure that.

That's what it is to live in crisis, and, thanks to the Tories and their reforms, increasing numbers are having to.

I'm Still Alive!

Where have I been? Is anyone even out there still? I can't blame you if you aren't, although how would you be reading this if that's the case!?!

It's been 11 weeks and two days since I had my WCA. An appointment that took two years to arrange and ultimately failed to test the problem presented that necessitated taking so long. I say two years, you can tack an extra twenty minutes to that as the assessor was late. A reality that, were the shoe on the other foot, would have very different consequences, if you follow me.

I have consdiered making a complaint to that end, if I fail the test. I'm still certain that is the outcome.

In the meantime public services dwindle. Our local bus service has cut so much that, had I not changed jobcentre (and it was within the DWP's gift to decide not to allow that), my journey to the subsequent Work Focused Interview would have cost just over £14! This is a consequence of a soceity governed for profit not for need. This is a simple premise that fundamentally is killing us.

That appointment, weeks ago now, was an utter sham. In fact, by the time the decision is made, I could be facing my next as they are every 6 months. I anticipate a new years present.

The interviewer was himself a damaged human, unfortunately one also fully conditioned by DWP propaganda. He invoked the spectre of the feckless parent claiming for things they allegedly don't need. A phone, for example. This is a classic example of the ignorance these people are fed: people need a phone these days. But instead of recognising the reality of modern life things like phones (and computers, for example) are disingenuously still classed as luxuries. You won't get help or a job without either if not both.

Why do I say he's damaged: he told me that, as a former paramedic, he ended up with PTSD. I can believe it; paramedics can get seriously abused - not least of all by a system designed to profit not care. The tragedy is that it has led him into the clutches of the capitalist paradigm setting him not against the architects of his abuse, but his fellow plebs.

Despite all the talk abot how wonderful the DWP is and how many schemes and opportunities there are, all he could pull out was another feeble self help/social enterprise course. This one is called Changes For Life. The problem is that these courses are ineffectual; because they cannot (will not?) address the reality behind the problems faced by the unemployed and impaired they can only offer simplistic services - don't get me wrong, these are find for those that ned them. Numeracy and literacy (along with citizenship tests!) are vital for some, just not me. I was told they could diagnose neuro diverse conditions when i mentioned I had tried to get an Asperger diagnosis. I knew this was a lie, but the Changes people confirmed it. They didn't seem terribly bothered I was getting misinformation from the DWP. I guess that's the norm.

So in the end it's a whole load of nothing. It's all talk, papering the ever widening cracks of a system and a society on a hot course to hell. I do not foresee things getting better any time soon, but I wont' mention the B word, for now. I'm not even sure I understand it, just that it's wrecking society and a transparent right wing xenophobia fuelled power grab.

One thing I did notice, while in the office (a journey from door to seat that required 3 security guards and two flights of stairs), the amount of Universal Credit propaganda is dizzying. The walls are covered. Goebbels would be proud (Godwins!).

Insidiously, and worryingly, on the wall of the cubicle was a sample UC jobsearch; a weekly diary that looked harrowingly involved. They seem to expect you to involve yourself in activity from 8 till late with scant breaks. If only I could have taken this home, but I didn't dare whip my phone out for a picture (probably would have been sent to Guantanamo for breaching DWP secrets or something). Now while the idea might be reasonable, expecting people to look for work or whatever, the relentlessness of it in the face of lived reality is problematic. We all know what happens when people have to miss appointments for genuine reasons, so the greater the conditionality the greater the likelihood this will happen. Then it's down to the 'Work Coach's' discretion.

This is what it comes down to: damaged brainwashed people making decisions on my behalf. People who, while I don't mean to sound disrespectful, just seem oblivious to the reality they are operating within. He himself is on Universal Credit!

Need I say more?

(PS If anyone still reads this, thanks, but I'd love to know... blessing all round)

After the Test

Why is keeping a blog so difficult? When you find doing things difficult then doing a thing is difficult. Procrastination is temptation. It is no solution. Filling in the ESA50 is a lot like this. I can do it, but I sure as hell can't do it all at once - and I don't want to.

Last Monday (the 5th) was the date for my latest WCA. Uncharacteristically, it actually happened. There was no postponement, although the doctor himself (assuming that he is properly qualified) was late. This, last, irony has blown my mind. I'm now left so ambivalent by all this that I just feel nothing. Of course this will change whence cometh the inevitable outcome. I'm told to expect this within 4-6 weeks. That, however, is a statement with no content whatsoever. It could arrive today. I have no way of knowing. In fact this is one of the defining features for people living on ESA. You cannot make arrangements nor plan. I have saved the majority of my income for precisely that reason. Consequently it has deprived me of the opportunity to use that income practically. Or even frivolously. How does that make any sense.

I arrived on time. If I hadn't there would have been consequences the least of which would have been a very extended spell in the dismal waiting room. When the doctor arrives late it's just a fact of modern life (public trains) and I have to lump it. No sanction for him of course.

I have no idea what the guy's qualifications were or are. I have no idea if he has any experience as an optician or eye doctor. However that is the reason why I had to be seen by him; a process that has taken two years and numerous lies (which have netted me a grand total of twenty five whole pounds in compensation! Generous, no?) to get to this point. Ultimately it didn't matter because, despite the presence of testing material (various eye charts), not once did he bother to test me. Wait, that's not true: he did test whether my legs work ok. They do. At no point in my claim have I ever reported mobility or lower limb problems. Ever.

It is pretty clear that the reason I, and presumably others, need a particular flavour of assessor is to cover their own arses. It's insurance. That way the inevitable (because the testing process is still shit) complaints about skating over reported issues can be met with a firmer response: your assessor was properly qualified in optometry/sight. Maximus (the corporation running these tests) calls this 'government training'. At least that's what they told me. Clearly that's bullshit because that implies the process would involve testing the relevant area of contention. But since that didn't happen, anyone - including the first person I saw at the outset of this nonsense - could have have tested me. It's a standardised process. However the particular person that did has government training allowing Maximus to cover their backside against a complaint I might (inevitably have to) make regarding them not actually testing my eyes.

I could go on, but really all there is to say is that this standardised test is such a simplistic tool. It is administered, not by actual doctors, but by a profit making corporate entity. They cannot - they are functionally incapable - of delivering the kind of process that's needed. You might as well ask a blind person what the sky looks like. This is just a procedure, a revenue stream, to these people. Doctors should be running this, if it must exist at all, but they all refuse. They don't want to get their hands dirty. I find that pretty damning really; a doctor is OK with life or death situations and diagnosing incurable diseases, but they draw the line at reporting whether someone is fit for work. That implies they, the BMA for instance, believe the likes of Maximus are better at it than they. That is nonsense.

Ultimately this standardised test is simply to outline what you do on a typical day. When do you rise, do you put your socks on, do you make your breakfast, what time do you feed the dog? It's intended to determine what you can or can't do. This is an approach that is devoid of any meaningful context. Whether or not you experience difficulty is ignored, it's disastrously binary. Either you can go to the shop and buy a pack of eggs (in other words, you can go to any shop, anywhere, at any time, and buy anything, no matter the conditions), or you can't. The nature of the shop, it's familiarity, distance, and ease of use, is ignored. I go for a walk during the day, out in the quiet country;I might as well have confessed to being capable of running the London Marathon or handling bustling Times Square at News Years Eve.

This is how we examine whether or not people can function in society. It gives no indication of anything and just exists because of bootstrap bullshit magic thinking. If you have issues they are ignored because if you can put on a pair of socks at some point during the day, you can hold down a full time job consistently. No matter what the job is, whether its worthwhile or well paid.

This is the life.

This is the End, beautiful friend...

I fear this will be long. That's not my only fear, of course. But I will attempt brevity. Me um word good.

Last week I received the first of two letters from the DWP. Instantly I knew. Senses honed through years of dealing with the DWP have taught me to know. Something about the particular shape or shade of the envelope; the sound it makes on the doormat through the letterbox. Even the time of day the postman arrives. These are all tells. You just know.

I have what will now be attempt #4 at a WCA on the 19th at 9am. I also have a WFI (work focussed interview) on the 23rd. The latter is at the jobcentre, a place no longer served by a direct bus route. Not that such facts are taken into consideration of course. These appointments are booked without consultation on your behalf.

In the case of the former I was supposed to get what would be the second attempt at a home visit. This was agreed after WCA attempt #1 failed due to the correct 'healthcare professional' wasn't on hand. I was, they weren't. Of course their system simply cannot process the consequences for the subject in such a circumstance. They are of course apologetic, as statite requires, but it means nothing when you have to go through it all again. I asked instead for a home visit to be considered.

At first that wasn't the case, until it was. They sent me another assessment centre-based appointment and then told me, upon arrival, I wasn't supposed to be seen there and that I was to get a home visit. that visit didn't happen until over a year later, this March. That's when the fun begins, so it would appear.

They were supposed to rebook the appointment. When I contacted them to find out why they didn't arrive the human facsimile I spoke to passively aggressively gave me two choices: either rebook (it's all so simple, just like a minor calculation, no emotion required), or have my case referred back to the DWP. Clearly the former, in the context of a Hobson's choice, was preferable.

Only that didn't happen. It turns out that, despite my preference, they chose the latter. The DWP received it in April and sent it back to the WCA people in May with one exception. They attached what I've just discovered is a "PV marker". What's that you ask? It means "potentially violent"! At the risk of virtue signalling, this has left me gobsmacked. Not once have I ever behaved that way to the DWP nor the WCA. (Of course they themselves operate through violence: the violence of poverty.)

The DWP have, for some reason, decided that home visits are now verboten because of this marker. It didn't exist before when a home visit was meant to happen. It cannot happen now. They won't tell me why this has been attached without a written letter of request (I need to request a "Dataprint"). The WCA won't tell me why they referred it back claiming that the DWP know why, but they don't. When pushed (because they are obviously caught in a lie) they said that they can choose to refer cases back to the DWP instead of rebooking regardless of the subject's preference. What I wanted didn't matter and, as a result of their decision, I now cannot get the home visit they agreed and indeed booked two years ago. Had they even bothered to attend (and I still don't know why that never happene) this would all have been done and dusted. I have lodged a formal complaint.

Unfortunately none of this changes the fact I am compelled to attend. If I don't I will need to give satisfactory reasons and if they aren't satisfactory enough, my benefit will be stopped. Likewise if I don't attend the WFI.

The WCA people have screwed up royally and cost me the preferred method of resolving this for no good reason. Or at least no good reason they are willing to offer. The only explanation I can find for why this PV marker exists is because, on my ESA50 form, among the mental health issues outlined was an expressed tendency to frustration and upset in situations I find difficult (such as getting the royal runaround from the DWP/WCA). But that wasn't enough to warrant this marker being placed at any point prior. At least not to my knowledge. If it had I wouldn't have gotten a home visit in the first place.

It doesn't really matter. This process isn't about support. How can it be when people that have violent tendencies are automatically denied the right kind of assessment? What if such a person has other conditions (prevailing Psychosis of Schizophrenia for instance) that preclude a centre based assessment? Are they supposed to just turn up and that the staff are ok because Big Dave the security guard will protect them if the subject kicks off? What does that say about how we are still treating people with severe mental health issues of the kind just described? It's akin to institutionalising them.

Then of course there is the power disparity; one of the biggest failings of this system. Our entire system, not just benefits, is predicated on it. The ruling class versus the 99%. The working class versus the capitalists, and the latter are in control with a system modelled on archaic notions and concepts. A person in a corporate suit with a clipboard determines the validity of your experience on the basis of a tick box exercise, one they can deploy as they see fit with no accountability. Sure I can make a complaint (and have done), but to what end? What compels them to honour that? If our system doesn't encourage good honest and moral (in the sense we don't let the poor struggle) conduct, then black and white rules mean nothing. Not when the subject has no power but to implore to the party he's accusing to abide by them. They police themselves with no interest in jeopardising their position. I might get an apology, perhaps even a couple of quid. To them it will mean nothing, just a few expenses they can write off. To me it will mean nothing because I can't live on it.

This power disparity must be challenged and dismantled. It cannot be justified. Mental health is experiential in my view. It isn't like a broken leg: something that, while painful, can be seen and measured in a very real sense. You can't see emotional distress, tension, frustration, psychosis nor schizophrenia. You can't measure paranoia. You can't weigh the struggle a person feels at the 'wrongness' he experiences in his life. You have to listen to that person, accept them, and work with them. That starts with building a society that accepts an honours that experience and makes it part of the social fabric. Not a society that marginalises and denies them participation in the most fundamental and necessary of ways.

A Very British Antisemitism, Day, er, 5?

Racism is shit. Racists are shit. Antisemitism is racism. Antisemites are shit.

It seems required of us, those that aren't right wing apologists, to mention this. It's like an ideological ID check. Just run the anti-Semitic credentials through the computer to see how they shape up to the definition. Does that sound trivial? It ought not, but what other reaction can one have when these accusations are bandied about so freely? Do those doing so not realise the danger; that haphazard accusations are threatening to become transparent and risk trivialising the very real problem of racism?

Then of course there is the elephant in the room: the state of Israel. A state that, clearly and demonstrably, engages in racist murderous behaviour.

Perhaps I shouldn't say this, antisemitism isn't a joke. Racism isn't a joke. We are seeing a rise in fascism as capitalism collapses. It has no answer to structural challenges but to double down on divisive ideologies: us and them. Usually along national lines.

But...I am fed up with the pearl clutching from the establishment. The rhetoric surrounding Labour and Corbyn is so toxic that discourse is impossible. Of course it's ridiculous to assert Labour are institutionally antisemitic. By what proof? If that were true then it would have been true for a lot longer than the period Corbyn has been leader. Thus it is abundantly clear that this is being used now to oppose him, which tells me the motives of those deploying these claims. It is political.

Now that isn't to say that there aren't people in the Labour party and wider movement who are or at least have used antisemitic rhetoric. That of course should be challenged and dealt with. I would hope such people can be approached and educated. Much of it, I think, stems from the characteristically defensive underdog position that the left is on. It is not in a position of authority and power whereas ideas such as Zionism - specifically Israel - are inexplicably bound up with the systems of power in the world. It is an ally of the capitalist imperialist, and largely white christian, west. It has interest groups throughout the western world, including within the Labour party. There is thus a response to that which, inchoate and raw, isn't without some justification.

However we must of course be careful. It is too easy a step to make from this defensive, almost conspiratorial (see 911 truthers), mindset into amplifying dangerous stereotypes, for example propagating the notion that the "jews run the world". These are beloved of the right, particularly fascists, for a reason. They help cement that "us and them" narrative that entrenches late capitalist state power. "Jews are the problem": the perennial bogeyman motif into which Jews have sadly historically been placed.

Things currently though are not so simple. While fascism is on the rise and while antisemitism is part of its DNA it, in the sense of opposing the left, is also happy to use claims of antisemitism to beat its political opponents. This is largely opportunistic and of course quite hypocritical, but no less dangerous. We must recognise this, but at the same time not give succour to those that deploy antisemitism incorrectly, smearing people on the left unjustly for political gain. Of course as an anarchist I reject the political dichotomy that capitalism supports (though you'd be foolish not to call me a lefty, in broad terms :D). That way lies division, and it will never truly free us.

A Very Owen Jones Armageddon, Day 3

So everyone's favourite lefty, Owen Jones, wrote an article today saying, unbelievably, that Labour needs to recalibrate by getting Ed Miliband back!

Now, I may have misread the article. Perhaps it's a level of satire that has eluded me.

But Miliband? The sap that lost Labour the election in 2015 after five years of misery under the coalition? How does that happen? By the way, Miliband has yet to face a tenth of the grief that Corbyn receives for scoring an own goal like this. There's no reason at all for him to have lost other than the fact he's a neoliberal. That is the absolute last thing we need!

Also, to be fair, Jones posits an alternative in the form of Laura Pidcock. A better choice by leagues to be sure, but there's now way that will happen given that she's still too green. Even so...

What is Owen Jones thinking? This is his position following the EU elections. So in truth, he's just another centrist. I think he's pretty feeble to be honest. I pointed out earlier, when discussing his meetings with the Brexit party crowd, that he was completely out of his depth. When they responded to his presence he just bumbled and dodged. Why couldn't he ask more probing questions than "why are you here?". What did he think the answer would be? They are here to "take the country back" to react to the "brexit betrayal". He's face to face with proto fascist thinking, hyperbole and jingoistic bluster (the use of terms like betrayal and treachery), and he has nothing he can think of better to ask?

How about putting to these people the rank hypocrisies of their leader? How about pointing out the hypocrisy of wanting to take the power...only to hand it over to the aristocracy in Westminster? Do they want the NHS privatised? Do they want people starving and living on the streets? We will never know unless people ask.

I just don't get this at all. Of course the real answer is to reject all these politicians. Corbyn's a decent guy, I don't think he's a millionaire psychopath happy to sell guns to warmongers or starve children, but he's also beholden to a system he errantly beleives can be reformed. This won't, can't, and mustn't happen. Instead capitalism should be dismantled. It is the only answer. He will soon find, if he takes office, just how sharp the knives of the capitalist class will be when they cut his ability to achieve anything. Then it wilbe the Tories who swoop back in to 'save' the country from another Labour 'mess'. Mark my words.

A Very British Armageddon Day 2

Let us turn now to Mr Alistair Campbell. He has recently, by which I mean yesterday, been evicted from the Labour party. Firstly a couple of considerations:
1. Corbyn doesn't get to decide this.
2. Labour must go further. If it only picks on Campbell, however deserved (and it is), then it looks weak in my view.

So by the standards applied here there are few from the old days of New Labour who don't deserve the chop. Of course they are now encircling the wagons. They don't want their seat on the gravy train to be troubled. This means that sooner or later, hopefully the former, Blair has to go. If the standard is voting for a rival party (a reasonable excuse surely) then where does that leave Blair who has openly called for such, perhaps not in so many words.

This of course doesn't begin to address the war crimes of both men. Campbell has, in my view, serious questions to ask. Remember Dr Kelly? Now I don't want to entertain lurid conspiracy theories, but at the very least the pressure exerted on that man, at a time when Campbell was implicit in banging the drum for war, drove him to suicide. That's the best case scenario! Should I speculate on anything further?

However, Campbell, despite his protestations of loyalty (which don't mean much when you're voting for a rvial party), was never elected. He represents no one but himself. He's a spin doctor. He was the inspiration for Malcolm Tucker for god's sake! This man has no business in an organised group supposed to be representing the working class. What part of that does he represent? Elected by whom?

Isn't the era of the spin doctor now over? The media lies so much in general and across the board that these people are largely out of a job now anyway. Youtube propagandists, twitter loons, and facebook groups filled with the dregs of humanity seem to have replaced them. That and the everyday bias shown by the politician class at the BBC. Surely there are better representatives for the Labour party than Alistair bloody Campbell!