So it appears that 1in4, a mental health support service I used briefly last year and have mentioned (not always favourably), is among the latest victims of austerity, along with Second Step, who are primarily a housing association. They were never very helpful in my experience, but they don't really provide services pertinent to my needs. Emblematic of these destructive decisions (regardless of my opinion of the services) is that neither have updated their websites to report on this turn of events at this time.
It's a pretty sad state of affairs, to say the least. No alternatives seem to be forthcoming. From what I have gleaned, the attitude of the (Tory) council is that they don't want such people as would be service users in this leafy green shire. This is for the posh and the perfect. Nearby Bristol is where we 'should' go, but of course without being a resident that's impossible. Services do not extend beyond the city limits, even though Avon Wiltshire Mental Health Partnership (AWP) are meant to cover this area, the reality is that they prioritise Bristol. We get the scraps, as my experience trying (still) to secure a diagnosis attests. In respect of that, the attitude is still to question why I would need one anyway. How will it help you, they ask; what good will it really do, anyway?
If you have to ask...
Weston super Mare, the main port of call in the area, is bereft. The exorcism of mental health services can only exacerbate its many problems. It has issues with poverty and has a sizable community of people recovering from problems. The high street is a graveyard of yesteryear: where once Woolworths was a fixture (if a pretty rubbish one to be honest) there is now the obligatory Poundland. Diseases like Caffe (caffe?) Nero are common often bringing with them a rash of independent 'fone' shops (fone?) as well as their nastier big brothers in the established market. O2 is within sight of Vodafone (FONE?) is next to Carphone Warehouse is...
You get the picture. Perhaps the best example is the state of that perennial of the retail world, WHSmiths. Once a proud purveyor of books and magazines, as well as 'light entertainment' (ie expensive hit parade based films and music), as well as stationery. It has been pulled every which way by the likes of Waterstones, HMV, and a ton of other specialist shops - not to mention the arrival of online shopping. WHSmiths survives in Weston, but not much more than that; the carpet is shabby, the frontage is tired, and they seem more eager to upsell junkfood than anything else.
And now, sandwiched between the shops and hunkered down on the well-trodden pavement, a growing tide of homeless people at a rate unparalleled in the town's history. The council has no answer other than to put up accusatory signs 'reminding' people that begging is an offence. That is to say, the act of a desperate human being calling for help. Yet because said human is cloaked in the muck of precarious living and sleeps in the detritus of capitalism, they are to be branded as beggars; an unkind term intended to create distance between the reality and the perception. The reality of life under capitalism and the Tory-created perception that these people have only themselves to blame. Of course begging is to be punished; a practise as counter productive as it is desperate. The last gasp of a dead system printed on a bent metal sign fixed to a lamppost. It will, and should be, ignored.
This is the backdrop for the much awaited (by me, and no one else) meeting with my adviser.
There isn't much to say really and no point dragging it out for artistic purposes. There was no mention of the issues raised, no discussion of any of the things that were mentioned before (bus pass, writing opportunity, music). I knew there wouldn't be, so I didn't bother pushing it. It was, essentially, business as usual. In effect a polite waste of time. A couple of telling points:
Firstly she told me that they've had a bit of a staffing restructure. Given that they aren't a huge operation I find this significant. Could this be related to the claim before about funding limits imposed (no confirmation of this either) on service users? Fifty quid won't buy you much support. Amongst these casualties was the colour therapist who has apparently gone to start her own business. Not sure whether that's anything to celebrate but I guess it's her choice.
Secondly in regard to the 'Solutions' service they offered, this seems to have changed, dulled. Prior it was the happy clappy simple simon corporate approach to mental health. I refused this and it seemed to be a problem (although that wasn't mentioned either) for me to do so. I am not interested in that approach, it's the same approach the government is pushing, nudging, people into. It is dangerous because it ignores the societal causes of mental distress in favour of kludging together the idea of work and wellness - under a capitalist system (which itself is that societal cause quite specifically).
Instead it's just become a more perfunctory run of the mill back to work course: CV writing, interview techniques and all that stuff. Again, if people benefit from it - great! My problem is that I don't know these things, it's that my CV is simply going to be barren and my ability to be interviewed (again dependent on societal expectations, not taking the individual into consideration) is affected by my cognitive ability. I can't get away from that, nor can I mask it, nor should I have to.
I declined, and so all that was left was a few threadbare volunteer opportunities only tangentially related to writing that, quite honestly I'm not interested in. What frustrates me is that they can't see this. I have to be seen to be doing something and so, if there are few genuine opportunities, it doesn't matter, I get judged just as if there were hundreds and I'd refused them all. Those are different propositions. I do not want to be compelled, guilt driven, into doing something just because it satisfies the needs of an organisation that cannot or will not understand the reality of the economics and politics that prevail today. I do not think that makes me lazy at all - in fact it is the very definition of laziness to resort to that kind of thinking.
Monday, 9 April 2018
Wednesday, 28 March 2018
The Return of Everyday Crapitalism - Bus Fares vs reality
It is certainly truth that the poorer you are, in our supposedly technological society, the less flexible life becomes. While the rich spend relatively less in our economy. It is thus the poor that drive it, while receiving less support to be able to survive.
Case in point, and another example of what I amusingly call "everyday capitalism", our local bus service, within the region it operates, offers three tickets for day journeys within certain boundaries. I can go to X with ticket number 1, go to Y with ticket number 2, or I can go to both within the same day with ticket number 3. Each ticket is not so dissimilar that they are easy to tell apart and thus easy to avoid making the mistake I did today by purchasing number 1 and not number 3. As there is no way to rectify this error, for which I accept some responsibility (insert smileyface), I'm stuck.
It's not a big deal, as the journey I was to make later doesn't involve life or death, just the on opportunity I get in the week to socialise. Had this been a hospital appointment, or trip to pay the bills etc (and don't get me started on the increasingly inflexible attitude of banks - I said don't!), things might be very different. Basically if you're poor and you can't make up that shortfall you are fucked.
Is pointing all this out worthy of your time in the blogosphere? Actually I think so; I post this to show you just how difficult life can be in what is alleged, according to the ruling class, a shining example of modern industrial society. We are the 6th richest economy in the world yet we have public transport systems that, according to them, need arcane ticketing structures to turn a profit.
Not only that but have you noticed how tickets get more expensive with age? That is, kids and young adults pay less, adults (as with anything) pay more. We take that for granted; why? Essentially the message is: "you're 'old enough' now, so pay me more!". That is the logic of everyday capitalism.
As for the banks (I told you not to get me started!), I have to pay £6 to Barclays (or rather their collections department) to cover old loans. This pittance is of course a drop in the ocean compared to their daily turnover as a global capitalist financial munitions dealer (that's figurative, don't sue me - I need the £££ for the buses). But again the logic of capitalism takes over: "pay your debts". Another aphorism we take for granted and never question - even when it impoverishes communities and smashes societies. Debt is not a moral principle (the rich certainly aren't troubled by it), it's a weapon.
That said when I make my monthly pilgrimage to the local Barclays cutpurse I find that they make it increasingly difficult to pay this money. I could easily choose not to, but where would that get me. They'd be quicker to point out my indiscretion than to make it easy to pay. I can't use the post office because the PO can't take these kinds of payments, they no longer issue paying in books, I don't live near a branch (hence the PO option), they no longer have counter staff, the machine replacements don't accept these kinds of payments, they no longer have paying in envelopes to pay into those weird deposit boxes. So instead I have to queue up with the only counter staff available who's there to deal with business customers. They are ridiculous.
As is capitalism.
Case in point, and another example of what I amusingly call "everyday capitalism", our local bus service, within the region it operates, offers three tickets for day journeys within certain boundaries. I can go to X with ticket number 1, go to Y with ticket number 2, or I can go to both within the same day with ticket number 3. Each ticket is not so dissimilar that they are easy to tell apart and thus easy to avoid making the mistake I did today by purchasing number 1 and not number 3. As there is no way to rectify this error, for which I accept some responsibility (insert smileyface), I'm stuck.
It's not a big deal, as the journey I was to make later doesn't involve life or death, just the on opportunity I get in the week to socialise. Had this been a hospital appointment, or trip to pay the bills etc (and don't get me started on the increasingly inflexible attitude of banks - I said don't!), things might be very different. Basically if you're poor and you can't make up that shortfall you are fucked.
Is pointing all this out worthy of your time in the blogosphere? Actually I think so; I post this to show you just how difficult life can be in what is alleged, according to the ruling class, a shining example of modern industrial society. We are the 6th richest economy in the world yet we have public transport systems that, according to them, need arcane ticketing structures to turn a profit.
Not only that but have you noticed how tickets get more expensive with age? That is, kids and young adults pay less, adults (as with anything) pay more. We take that for granted; why? Essentially the message is: "you're 'old enough' now, so pay me more!". That is the logic of everyday capitalism.
As for the banks (I told you not to get me started!), I have to pay £6 to Barclays (or rather their collections department) to cover old loans. This pittance is of course a drop in the ocean compared to their daily turnover as a global capitalist financial munitions dealer (that's figurative, don't sue me - I need the £££ for the buses). But again the logic of capitalism takes over: "pay your debts". Another aphorism we take for granted and never question - even when it impoverishes communities and smashes societies. Debt is not a moral principle (the rich certainly aren't troubled by it), it's a weapon.
That said when I make my monthly pilgrimage to the local Barclays cutpurse I find that they make it increasingly difficult to pay this money. I could easily choose not to, but where would that get me. They'd be quicker to point out my indiscretion than to make it easy to pay. I can't use the post office because the PO can't take these kinds of payments, they no longer issue paying in books, I don't live near a branch (hence the PO option), they no longer have counter staff, the machine replacements don't accept these kinds of payments, they no longer have paying in envelopes to pay into those weird deposit boxes. So instead I have to queue up with the only counter staff available who's there to deal with business customers. They are ridiculous.
As is capitalism.
Thursday, 15 March 2018
More of the Same Old Bullshit
The nonsense with the social enterprise continues. I don't know what the correct title for these sorts of agencies is if not social enterprise so that will have to do.
Honestly, it just wears me down. I went to a meeting held by another grassroots mental health group. They are called Clarity and while they seem very nice (if a little standoffish, but I guess we've all got problems to be dealing with :( ). Unfortunately they were less a support group and more a campaign group. What's unfortunate about that is that I need the former more right now. Campaigning is certainly important and what I heard from the representative of the, I suppose, 'social enterprise sector' present was rather depressing. In short, because this is a Tory area, there are massive cuts to services voted for en masse by the local, dominant, Tory rump who reuse to accept mental health is a problem here (and could the local mental health peeps kindly fuck off to Bristol).
For me, right now, I need to build a support network. I need places I can go, easily, with people that I can get on with; specifically people i share a worldview with. This might sound counter intuitive to many. They might, reasonably, conclude that the broader the range of experiences and views I expose myself to, the better. However, I am not convinced: I have a worldview and I believe it to be correct. In short I need the support of the kind of society I want to be in: a non judgemental compassionate society that is aware of the systems of oppression (specifically but not solely capitalism) we are exposed to. I subscribe to the model of mental health that, correctly, identifies a social component to ill health - particularly when it comes to conditions like depression and anxiety. These are not addressed by ignorant social enterprises, nor by associating with just anyone.
Campaigning is very important, though I'm not convinced that just campaigning will achieve much. Seven years of Tory led misery has shown this to be true; they will do what they want, using whatever means, when they want; damn public opinion. After all they couldn't get be less popular while voting to cut school meals for everyone - except those under the DUP (despicable). The problem is that I haven't the energy for it right now. The problem is, locally, I think it will take a hell of a lot to displace said Tory rump; it's ideological. This is a community of people that buys into Tory values. Changing that will be next to impossible. It will take something a lot more radical than appealing to people's democratic values - especially when those values put us in this mess to begin with. Never mind that mental health is still very much a taboo issue.
On a more prosaic and personal level, travelling to and attending this meeting was hard. The latter because, as a campaign discussion I wasn't expecting with people I didn't know, I didn't really have anything to say. I just sat there for an hour in silence. A bit melodramatic to say, but I'm just being honest. That said I will endeavour to attend more, it is once a month, and, while it's not quite what I need, it is interesting hearing about the state of things locally. Even if that state is pretty dire.
Travel on the other hand is becoming increasingly onerous. That might sound ridiculous for a half hour bus journey on a popular route, but the cost alone is too much. It has reached the point where I simply cannot travel often so I have to do more when I'm out. This means doing my shopping, so I come home exhausted from the trauma of dealing with Tesco and lugging heavy bags around. If this was local, I could just pop out without having to pay a small fortune and get there and back easily. It might not sound like a big deal, particularly if your mental health isn't an issue, but even small mundane things can be difficult. That's what it's like to have these kinds of issues.
Finally to report on my progress with the aforementioned social enterprise. Honestly, it's a joke. So I have a meeting booked for the first week of April. In that email I was informed of a "group offering creating writing opportunities". Crucially no details were provided, which infuriated me, especially given everything that's happened. It took me two emails back and forth to press them to actually tell me what it was, rather than wait for my appointment. They seemed to treat it like a kid desperate to know what his Christmas presents are ahead of the day. Why behave like this, it's utterly puerile. Turns out it's not really a creative writing opportunity. It's actually - apparently, because it's not even verified - a rumour that the local museum has a group that researches and writes up local history. So that's not what I'd consider creative writing; it's history. There's a difference as the writing part is ancillary and not the focus. I'm not terribly interested in doing historical research for this tedious little shire, quite honestly. However I did contact the museum who have yet to respond. Even so this is not what I feel I was led to believe; it's effectively a lie by omission. The problem here is that, when I explain all this and turn the opportunity down, I will be giving the social enterprise further ammunition to accuse me of not engaging. This sort of gaslighting shit is just what people have to deal with (I doubt I'm the only one).
It's too easy, when there's a dearth of opportunities, to use what few there are to demand more of the service user. If all you can offer is not what I'm interested in then surely the problem isn't with the service user, me, it's with the lack of opportunities for that which I am interested in. And it isn't as if I'm looking for crazy pie in the sky ideas either.
On it goes.
Honestly, it just wears me down. I went to a meeting held by another grassroots mental health group. They are called Clarity and while they seem very nice (if a little standoffish, but I guess we've all got problems to be dealing with :( ). Unfortunately they were less a support group and more a campaign group. What's unfortunate about that is that I need the former more right now. Campaigning is certainly important and what I heard from the representative of the, I suppose, 'social enterprise sector' present was rather depressing. In short, because this is a Tory area, there are massive cuts to services voted for en masse by the local, dominant, Tory rump who reuse to accept mental health is a problem here (and could the local mental health peeps kindly fuck off to Bristol).
For me, right now, I need to build a support network. I need places I can go, easily, with people that I can get on with; specifically people i share a worldview with. This might sound counter intuitive to many. They might, reasonably, conclude that the broader the range of experiences and views I expose myself to, the better. However, I am not convinced: I have a worldview and I believe it to be correct. In short I need the support of the kind of society I want to be in: a non judgemental compassionate society that is aware of the systems of oppression (specifically but not solely capitalism) we are exposed to. I subscribe to the model of mental health that, correctly, identifies a social component to ill health - particularly when it comes to conditions like depression and anxiety. These are not addressed by ignorant social enterprises, nor by associating with just anyone.
Campaigning is very important, though I'm not convinced that just campaigning will achieve much. Seven years of Tory led misery has shown this to be true; they will do what they want, using whatever means, when they want; damn public opinion. After all they couldn't get be less popular while voting to cut school meals for everyone - except those under the DUP (despicable). The problem is that I haven't the energy for it right now. The problem is, locally, I think it will take a hell of a lot to displace said Tory rump; it's ideological. This is a community of people that buys into Tory values. Changing that will be next to impossible. It will take something a lot more radical than appealing to people's democratic values - especially when those values put us in this mess to begin with. Never mind that mental health is still very much a taboo issue.
On a more prosaic and personal level, travelling to and attending this meeting was hard. The latter because, as a campaign discussion I wasn't expecting with people I didn't know, I didn't really have anything to say. I just sat there for an hour in silence. A bit melodramatic to say, but I'm just being honest. That said I will endeavour to attend more, it is once a month, and, while it's not quite what I need, it is interesting hearing about the state of things locally. Even if that state is pretty dire.
Travel on the other hand is becoming increasingly onerous. That might sound ridiculous for a half hour bus journey on a popular route, but the cost alone is too much. It has reached the point where I simply cannot travel often so I have to do more when I'm out. This means doing my shopping, so I come home exhausted from the trauma of dealing with Tesco and lugging heavy bags around. If this was local, I could just pop out without having to pay a small fortune and get there and back easily. It might not sound like a big deal, particularly if your mental health isn't an issue, but even small mundane things can be difficult. That's what it's like to have these kinds of issues.
Finally to report on my progress with the aforementioned social enterprise. Honestly, it's a joke. So I have a meeting booked for the first week of April. In that email I was informed of a "group offering creating writing opportunities". Crucially no details were provided, which infuriated me, especially given everything that's happened. It took me two emails back and forth to press them to actually tell me what it was, rather than wait for my appointment. They seemed to treat it like a kid desperate to know what his Christmas presents are ahead of the day. Why behave like this, it's utterly puerile. Turns out it's not really a creative writing opportunity. It's actually - apparently, because it's not even verified - a rumour that the local museum has a group that researches and writes up local history. So that's not what I'd consider creative writing; it's history. There's a difference as the writing part is ancillary and not the focus. I'm not terribly interested in doing historical research for this tedious little shire, quite honestly. However I did contact the museum who have yet to respond. Even so this is not what I feel I was led to believe; it's effectively a lie by omission. The problem here is that, when I explain all this and turn the opportunity down, I will be giving the social enterprise further ammunition to accuse me of not engaging. This sort of gaslighting shit is just what people have to deal with (I doubt I'm the only one).
It's too easy, when there's a dearth of opportunities, to use what few there are to demand more of the service user. If all you can offer is not what I'm interested in then surely the problem isn't with the service user, me, it's with the lack of opportunities for that which I am interested in. And it isn't as if I'm looking for crazy pie in the sky ideas either.
On it goes.
Thursday, 8 March 2018
Staring into the Mirror
It is pretty clear that the recent horrific weather (the worst I've ever seen, take note climate change deniers) has put the appalling situation of homelessness to the fore. Unfortunately the deaths of rough sleepers has done little to melt the frozen bank accounts that pass for hearts in the Tory body politic.
In other words: they don't give a damn.
Let's just take a moment to think about what that means: citizens of this society are being allowed to freeze to death on the streets and nothing is done.
When the Russians allegedly (I don't want to be poisoned!) murder a spy on the streets of Britain, the Tories convene emergency meetings.
When people actually die, murdered by capitalism, on the streets of Britain, the Tories give themselves a pay rise.
And make no mistake this is a problem of capitalism. We have the facilities, the talent, and, in some cases, the desire, to end this. There are properties people can live in, but instead they are earmarked for the super rich and the property market. These are capitalist institutions; without the profit motive and the resultant class divide to oppress the poorest how can homelessness exist?
Thus it is my great pleasure, by which I mean nauseating revulsion, to present two case studies that show the problem is ideological. Even the Tories cannot deny the reality of rough sleeping. However instead of dealing with it, they seek to move people on, or, when they refuse paltry unsafe alternatives, are easily dismissed and subsequently criminalised. The crime that is sleeping on the streets of a modern city. Good grief, is this how far we've sunk?
They do this because it avoids having to stare into the mirror of said ideology. Doing so would reveal the truth of their horrendous politics. Thus it is preferable to demonise. They do this by creating a hierarchy that offers the less to the least among us, then, when that offering is refused it is relatively easy to criminalise these people for not taking up offers of help. But those 'offers' of help are less if the help comprises a space in a hostel that isn't suitable or safe - violence, substance abuse, theft for example. Is it reasonable to expect someone to accept that just because they are homeless and thus you see them as less of a person? That is the Tory mindset.
In Torbay a few weeks ago there arose a brave man called Ashley Sim. He courageously took it upon himself to photograph those members of the local homeless community he heroically believed were not 'genuine'. It always baffles me, the hypocrisy of the Tory position on liberty: they claim to oppose 'big brother' (remember all the hoo ha about ID cards during the last Labour government?), but are more than happy to appeal to a nanny state or a nanny state mentality when it suits them. What is this, if not that?
What is this if not the exertion of class power wielded as ideological force unto the weakest? It is the imposition of the division between 'deserving' and 'undeserving' poor, made all the worse by the obvious reality that those Mr Sim believes to be 'deserving' (a judgement made solely by himself with no expertise on the reality nor, it seems, the slightest understanding of power in society) won't get helped anyway. They can at least rest, by which I mean shiver on the pavement, safe in the knowledge that some arrogant prick from Toryshire isn't going to try and have them prosecuted for offending his sensibilities. An act that has potentially disastrous consequences, particularly for those wrongly targeted, for those this self proclaimed 'do gooder' (their language) decides to out.
Now, on my doorstep, in the otherwise quite progressive city of Bristol, we have another example. I've seen the city centre for myself, the Broadmead shopping quarter. I've seen how the closure of businesses - thanks to austerity - has blighted it. Up until recently there was a BHS, who, like Woolworths, were a high street staple. All that remains is an unsightly boarded up frontage - presumably to ensure that rough sleepers don't take advantage of the meagre shelter present. Unfortunately for that idea homelessness in the city has skyrocketed.
So now, a particular couple who are conspicuous within the centre of the district, are being picked on, and in the most egregious example of mirror dodging yet. It seems that, because they have an 'embarassment of riches, in the form of a huge pile of blankets (because people in Bristol are kind), they could be hiding 'the terrorisms' inside! Huddled beneath, it's possible, to the mind of business bigwig John Hirst (a copper bottomed cunt by all accounts), that the people could be planting explosives! Do you need me to explain how offensive and absurd that is?
But of course the Tory attitude, the corporate-o-capitalist attitude, must entertain this possibility, because to do otherwise is to stare right into that mirror.
And they know what they will see when they stare right back: decade up on decade of frozen humans, lives snuffed out in the cold ad the dark of a capitalist night. Caught in the amber of conscience for which said mirror is a metaphor. People that died for the want of what Pink Floyd coolly and correctly referred to as 'tea and a slice'. Us and them: us - we - have to start winning.
In other words: they don't give a damn.
Let's just take a moment to think about what that means: citizens of this society are being allowed to freeze to death on the streets and nothing is done.
When the Russians allegedly (I don't want to be poisoned!) murder a spy on the streets of Britain, the Tories convene emergency meetings.
When people actually die, murdered by capitalism, on the streets of Britain, the Tories give themselves a pay rise.
And make no mistake this is a problem of capitalism. We have the facilities, the talent, and, in some cases, the desire, to end this. There are properties people can live in, but instead they are earmarked for the super rich and the property market. These are capitalist institutions; without the profit motive and the resultant class divide to oppress the poorest how can homelessness exist?
Thus it is my great pleasure, by which I mean nauseating revulsion, to present two case studies that show the problem is ideological. Even the Tories cannot deny the reality of rough sleeping. However instead of dealing with it, they seek to move people on, or, when they refuse paltry unsafe alternatives, are easily dismissed and subsequently criminalised. The crime that is sleeping on the streets of a modern city. Good grief, is this how far we've sunk?
They do this because it avoids having to stare into the mirror of said ideology. Doing so would reveal the truth of their horrendous politics. Thus it is preferable to demonise. They do this by creating a hierarchy that offers the less to the least among us, then, when that offering is refused it is relatively easy to criminalise these people for not taking up offers of help. But those 'offers' of help are less if the help comprises a space in a hostel that isn't suitable or safe - violence, substance abuse, theft for example. Is it reasonable to expect someone to accept that just because they are homeless and thus you see them as less of a person? That is the Tory mindset.
In Torbay a few weeks ago there arose a brave man called Ashley Sim. He courageously took it upon himself to photograph those members of the local homeless community he heroically believed were not 'genuine'. It always baffles me, the hypocrisy of the Tory position on liberty: they claim to oppose 'big brother' (remember all the hoo ha about ID cards during the last Labour government?), but are more than happy to appeal to a nanny state or a nanny state mentality when it suits them. What is this, if not that?
What is this if not the exertion of class power wielded as ideological force unto the weakest? It is the imposition of the division between 'deserving' and 'undeserving' poor, made all the worse by the obvious reality that those Mr Sim believes to be 'deserving' (a judgement made solely by himself with no expertise on the reality nor, it seems, the slightest understanding of power in society) won't get helped anyway. They can at least rest, by which I mean shiver on the pavement, safe in the knowledge that some arrogant prick from Toryshire isn't going to try and have them prosecuted for offending his sensibilities. An act that has potentially disastrous consequences, particularly for those wrongly targeted, for those this self proclaimed 'do gooder' (their language) decides to out.
Now, on my doorstep, in the otherwise quite progressive city of Bristol, we have another example. I've seen the city centre for myself, the Broadmead shopping quarter. I've seen how the closure of businesses - thanks to austerity - has blighted it. Up until recently there was a BHS, who, like Woolworths, were a high street staple. All that remains is an unsightly boarded up frontage - presumably to ensure that rough sleepers don't take advantage of the meagre shelter present. Unfortunately for that idea homelessness in the city has skyrocketed.
So now, a particular couple who are conspicuous within the centre of the district, are being picked on, and in the most egregious example of mirror dodging yet. It seems that, because they have an 'embarassment of riches, in the form of a huge pile of blankets (because people in Bristol are kind), they could be hiding 'the terrorisms' inside! Huddled beneath, it's possible, to the mind of business bigwig John Hirst (a copper bottomed cunt by all accounts), that the people could be planting explosives! Do you need me to explain how offensive and absurd that is?
But of course the Tory attitude, the corporate-o-capitalist attitude, must entertain this possibility, because to do otherwise is to stare right into that mirror.
And they know what they will see when they stare right back: decade up on decade of frozen humans, lives snuffed out in the cold ad the dark of a capitalist night. Caught in the amber of conscience for which said mirror is a metaphor. People that died for the want of what Pink Floyd coolly and correctly referred to as 'tea and a slice'. Us and them: us - we - have to start winning.
Wednesday, 28 February 2018
Power 2
I'm not sure if this is the last word in the sorry saga of the service user, but it's been about 6 weeks since I had any contact with my adviser. I emailed her boss on Monday to try and find out what was going on. Apparently she (my adviser) didn't receive my emails. I find that hard to believe; there has been no indication mail didn't get sent properly and it's a little too convenient but, as they say, we are where we are.
So I ended up having a conversation on the phone with the boss. I cannot say that I feel good about it all. In fact I feel as if I've had the proverbial rug pulled from beneath me; that I've been subject to the old bait and switch tactic.
When I first started with these people, as anyone that's read these blogs will attest, I felt pretty positive about it. There was no conditionality attached, and, it seemed, no hidden agendas. Now, I'm not so sure. Two things seem to have changed: firstly there is conditionality they just didn't bother telling me. I mentioned this before alluding to their wellbing programme which is what they want me to do, only they didn't bother to tell me this. Instead they pretend a sense of kindly exasperation and say 'hey we're struggling to know what to do with you'. In a peculiar way that makes me think their priority is themselves and their results (presumably how they get funding) rather than what's in my best interests.
Secondly, according, to the boss, there are new rules in play; sent from on high (the heaven of great funding). I find this hard to believe but each service user is now limited to £50 worth of funding - for anything. More importantly this would include bus fares. Fifty quid won't see you get far on First Buses! It sounds utterly absurd. They get their funding from the Lottery and the European Social Fund (that'll be gone post Brexit I imagine, so across the country organisations like these will be bereft). I have no idea what the reason for this is, maybe it's our government, maybe it's the EU. I don't know but the upshot is that it will make this course and any others like it impossible. I must have received that much or near enough already! The whole thing is ridiculous.
Now I won't say that the boss wasn't friendly, but, as ever with these situations, they simply do not take responsibility. The tenor of the conversation seemed to be, as I've said, "we're struggling to help you", but in so doing they kept introducing all these things that I'd never heard of before, including conditionality. Apparently they even have quiz afternoons! I said I had never heard of this and her response was they are on the board. This means they are written on the board in their office. Aside from adding a qualifier to the initial claim, how would I know what's on the board? But if I was on the wellbeing course, I'd be part of this. That's the problem; they keep pointing to things and services they offer - but don't make you aware of unless you're in the office all the time. Thad's ridiculous and it's unfair - especially on someone that's a victim of social isolation. How do you think it makes me feel to be told everyone else is having a gay old time at the quiz or social event or whatever if you don't tell me they are happening? When I started there was no mention of any compulsory attendance to a wellbeing course - and my objections to that still stand: these sessions are simplistic and put too much onto the shoulders of the individual while ignoring the social context. This is unacceptable, no matter how much tea and biscuits you offer!
I asked about training, which was briefly mentioned, but didn't really get much of an answer. In fact, now that I think about it, she didn't seem to have any idea of what they offered at all. I imagine it's the usual 'cv training' bollocks I've heard of before. That is, not actual training, but the soft stuff which, while useful to some no doubt, doesn't really go far enough and won't get you a job. No matter hw polished your CV not only will it make no difference compared to someone with a life history of solid work experience, but the DWP will find something to complain about (ie an excuse to send you to their CV course).
What she did tell me about was the existence of 'job profiling' or even 'personality profiling' where they match you based on relevant traits to jobs that are then considered suitable accordingly. This is all bullshit, even if by some miracle these tests revealed some dream vocation you'd never have thought of otherwise, how are you going to get that job? As if the DWP will ever help you find that - unless your dream job is Tesco shelf stacker. It's pointless.
But, in the end, this is all these organisations ever seem to be about. They will pretend to be your friend. They will make you feel at ease before telling you how shit really works and then expect you to do it. Finally they will dress up vacuous and simplistic activities as profound opportunities to either self discovery or imagined door openings (your dream job).
Is this really good enough?
So I ended up having a conversation on the phone with the boss. I cannot say that I feel good about it all. In fact I feel as if I've had the proverbial rug pulled from beneath me; that I've been subject to the old bait and switch tactic.
When I first started with these people, as anyone that's read these blogs will attest, I felt pretty positive about it. There was no conditionality attached, and, it seemed, no hidden agendas. Now, I'm not so sure. Two things seem to have changed: firstly there is conditionality they just didn't bother telling me. I mentioned this before alluding to their wellbing programme which is what they want me to do, only they didn't bother to tell me this. Instead they pretend a sense of kindly exasperation and say 'hey we're struggling to know what to do with you'. In a peculiar way that makes me think their priority is themselves and their results (presumably how they get funding) rather than what's in my best interests.
Secondly, according, to the boss, there are new rules in play; sent from on high (the heaven of great funding). I find this hard to believe but each service user is now limited to £50 worth of funding - for anything. More importantly this would include bus fares. Fifty quid won't see you get far on First Buses! It sounds utterly absurd. They get their funding from the Lottery and the European Social Fund (that'll be gone post Brexit I imagine, so across the country organisations like these will be bereft). I have no idea what the reason for this is, maybe it's our government, maybe it's the EU. I don't know but the upshot is that it will make this course and any others like it impossible. I must have received that much or near enough already! The whole thing is ridiculous.
Now I won't say that the boss wasn't friendly, but, as ever with these situations, they simply do not take responsibility. The tenor of the conversation seemed to be, as I've said, "we're struggling to help you", but in so doing they kept introducing all these things that I'd never heard of before, including conditionality. Apparently they even have quiz afternoons! I said I had never heard of this and her response was they are on the board. This means they are written on the board in their office. Aside from adding a qualifier to the initial claim, how would I know what's on the board? But if I was on the wellbeing course, I'd be part of this. That's the problem; they keep pointing to things and services they offer - but don't make you aware of unless you're in the office all the time. Thad's ridiculous and it's unfair - especially on someone that's a victim of social isolation. How do you think it makes me feel to be told everyone else is having a gay old time at the quiz or social event or whatever if you don't tell me they are happening? When I started there was no mention of any compulsory attendance to a wellbeing course - and my objections to that still stand: these sessions are simplistic and put too much onto the shoulders of the individual while ignoring the social context. This is unacceptable, no matter how much tea and biscuits you offer!
I asked about training, which was briefly mentioned, but didn't really get much of an answer. In fact, now that I think about it, she didn't seem to have any idea of what they offered at all. I imagine it's the usual 'cv training' bollocks I've heard of before. That is, not actual training, but the soft stuff which, while useful to some no doubt, doesn't really go far enough and won't get you a job. No matter hw polished your CV not only will it make no difference compared to someone with a life history of solid work experience, but the DWP will find something to complain about (ie an excuse to send you to their CV course).
What she did tell me about was the existence of 'job profiling' or even 'personality profiling' where they match you based on relevant traits to jobs that are then considered suitable accordingly. This is all bullshit, even if by some miracle these tests revealed some dream vocation you'd never have thought of otherwise, how are you going to get that job? As if the DWP will ever help you find that - unless your dream job is Tesco shelf stacker. It's pointless.
But, in the end, this is all these organisations ever seem to be about. They will pretend to be your friend. They will make you feel at ease before telling you how shit really works and then expect you to do it. Finally they will dress up vacuous and simplistic activities as profound opportunities to either self discovery or imagined door openings (your dream job).
Is this really good enough?
Thursday, 15 February 2018
Power
So we can see just how power works, and it is never a good thing.
A "hand up" not a "hand out"; in other words we can pay to print a CV or the cost of a stamp, but to feed yourself? Have a life? Enjoy a few nice things? No chance. Who gets to decide for me what I can or can't have? It seems the inheritors of wealth who through privilege get to make policy, enforced through monopolised violence, for the rest of us.
This model seems to be exactly how social enterprises work; the charities and agencies that profess to help the poor, the unemployed, and the sick. This includes schemes dreamt up by the government, or any wannabe philanthropist who claims to have a conscience. The Work Programme is no different.
Ultimately they all end up the same. Sooner or later you reach the limit of what they have to offer. It isn't very difficult, but the result is never positive. It is always an exercise in victim blaming. We can't help you - even though in many cases they have barely tried.
The most insidious aspect of this is the power dynamic. That's what it always comes down to, and this is why I'm an anarchist (at least in principle). Power. Those that have it can do what they like, and those that don't get to suffer or struggle. My adviser can tell me that "I'm struggling to know how we can help you" and I can point out all the reasons that's bullshit. I could point out, for example, that I have said a number of things that I'm interested in that she hasn't once looked into. It won't make any difference because, no matter how correct my observations might be, she has the power. She can just shrug her shoulders - even agree - and walk away with the power. In other words I'm the one that loses out. I'm the one that gets discarded by an agency that, happily, sets itself up as being a positive force in the community, happily takes funding streams from whomever, but doesn't seem to use them to do anything above refunding the odd bus journey. They have the power, but they do not have the responsibility.
Power does not equal nor compel responsibility, it's us that has to force that accountability. It is never conceded. Why would it be? I believe that we should be compelling a lot more. We need to take that power for ourselves. Why should people have to rely on these hapless agencies who seem to have nothing to offer. They have zero influence over the systems that put people into the sorts of circumstances that lead them to become service users in the first place. It's just a comfortable position.
So I'm looking at another rejection from another so-called social enterprise. I don't know for certain what will happen as they have failed to respond in over a week. I find that ridiculous. How does this help build people's confidence? All the excuses in the world do not change the reality: they hold the power, they shape the outcome - they accept no responsibility. If you're receiving all this funding, to run a social enterprise, then the least you can do is provide a service.
And if the best you have to offer is pop psychology over tea and biscuits, offered to people with complex and long standing mental health difficulties, I would argue you are not just irresponsible you are downright dangerous. These issues are not fixed with a simple "pull your socks up lad" or a "smile and the world smiles with you", and especially not "the colour purple means you are creative!". This sort of world view is utter ignorance, it isn't even fair to call it mental health, it's just spurious American Self Help Guru bollocks of the worst kind. It is self aggrandising and at best a huge waste of money.
But no matter whether I have the right of it or not, they have the power. They can just say "we can't help you then" and I'm the one left out in the cold with nowhere else to turn. This doesn't exactly help build self confidence.
A "hand up" not a "hand out"; in other words we can pay to print a CV or the cost of a stamp, but to feed yourself? Have a life? Enjoy a few nice things? No chance. Who gets to decide for me what I can or can't have? It seems the inheritors of wealth who through privilege get to make policy, enforced through monopolised violence, for the rest of us.
This model seems to be exactly how social enterprises work; the charities and agencies that profess to help the poor, the unemployed, and the sick. This includes schemes dreamt up by the government, or any wannabe philanthropist who claims to have a conscience. The Work Programme is no different.
Ultimately they all end up the same. Sooner or later you reach the limit of what they have to offer. It isn't very difficult, but the result is never positive. It is always an exercise in victim blaming. We can't help you - even though in many cases they have barely tried.
The most insidious aspect of this is the power dynamic. That's what it always comes down to, and this is why I'm an anarchist (at least in principle). Power. Those that have it can do what they like, and those that don't get to suffer or struggle. My adviser can tell me that "I'm struggling to know how we can help you" and I can point out all the reasons that's bullshit. I could point out, for example, that I have said a number of things that I'm interested in that she hasn't once looked into. It won't make any difference because, no matter how correct my observations might be, she has the power. She can just shrug her shoulders - even agree - and walk away with the power. In other words I'm the one that loses out. I'm the one that gets discarded by an agency that, happily, sets itself up as being a positive force in the community, happily takes funding streams from whomever, but doesn't seem to use them to do anything above refunding the odd bus journey. They have the power, but they do not have the responsibility.
Power does not equal nor compel responsibility, it's us that has to force that accountability. It is never conceded. Why would it be? I believe that we should be compelling a lot more. We need to take that power for ourselves. Why should people have to rely on these hapless agencies who seem to have nothing to offer. They have zero influence over the systems that put people into the sorts of circumstances that lead them to become service users in the first place. It's just a comfortable position.
So I'm looking at another rejection from another so-called social enterprise. I don't know for certain what will happen as they have failed to respond in over a week. I find that ridiculous. How does this help build people's confidence? All the excuses in the world do not change the reality: they hold the power, they shape the outcome - they accept no responsibility. If you're receiving all this funding, to run a social enterprise, then the least you can do is provide a service.
And if the best you have to offer is pop psychology over tea and biscuits, offered to people with complex and long standing mental health difficulties, I would argue you are not just irresponsible you are downright dangerous. These issues are not fixed with a simple "pull your socks up lad" or a "smile and the world smiles with you", and especially not "the colour purple means you are creative!". This sort of world view is utter ignorance, it isn't even fair to call it mental health, it's just spurious American Self Help Guru bollocks of the worst kind. It is self aggrandising and at best a huge waste of money.
But no matter whether I have the right of it or not, they have the power. They can just say "we can't help you then" and I'm the one left out in the cold with nowhere else to turn. This doesn't exactly help build self confidence.
Tuesday, 6 February 2018
Same Old Bullshit
Since last Summer, as I've mentioned a few times, I've been 'working' with another social enterprise, this one is called Team North Somerset. I didn't mention them before because, fuck it I am now. I don't know what else to call these sorts of organisations but social enterprises, they aren't strictly speaking charities, as far as I can tell, but they are not government agencies, like the DWP.
I say have been working; that should probably be past tense because this relationship looks like it's going to go the same way as my experience with all the rest - including the professional liars at the Salvation Army on the Work Programme back in the day.
Of course they will say it's all my fault - that I'm not engaging - but it's just the same old victim blaming narrative and an easy excuse to get rid of someone that isn't giving them the results they need for funding, or whatever. In this case they have lottery funding so that shouldn't - according to the impression I was given - be an issue. But these people are all fundamentally dishonest: they pretend to be your friend and then walk away.
I'm sick of dealing with people like that in my life, I find it incredibly difficulty to process and it's fundamentally disappointing not to be able to make concrete and lasting relationships. But they don't care.
So what happened?
Well, it's been two weeks since I was last told by my adviser, who had otherwise seemed quite nice and accepting of my position, issues and feelings on various topics, that she wanted to 'catch up'. Great, I thought. Then I hear nothing for ages. This is not the first time, by the way. I only hear from them when I go into their office to get bus fare refunded (guess that won't be happening anymore) and visit the creative writing class they paid (£5 - hardly Big Lottery Pounds!) for that I wanted to do (guess that won't be happening anymore).
Last time we met was at the start of the year - a meeting again I had to prompt. She asked me how I was and I told her that I was struggling. She hadn't seen me before suggesting I meet with the colour therapist. I told her how that went, which is to say I found it a complete waste of time. What do they expect - colour fucking therapy? Seriously? These people have no understanding of mental health if they think looking at a purple sunset or wearing a green coat is going to make any difference.
Anyway we discussed a few things: she agreed that bus fare is a problem and that she would ask about getting a monthly ticket (at least one). I told her about my interest in music and she said she'd go away and look into that, and she also mentioned something about writing - possibly journalism - that I can't fully recall that she was also going to bone up on. Ok, sounds great. She also seemed to accept my position on their wellbeing (including colour therapy) programme. To reiterate: I'm not interested in sitting in a group of three discussing magic thinking and pop psychology. I am not here to be victim blamed or sold all the usual 'think positive!' crap that doesn't change your life, doesn't change the fundamental problems in our system, and only leaves you feeling negative that nothing has changed!
But it appears not.
I emailed her on Monday to find out what was happening. She got back to me this morning with a polite ultimatum. Apparently she is 'struggling' to help and that, if I don't agree to do these wellbeing/colour therapy courses they are going to take their toys (which is to say financial support) and walk away. This would also, at this critical time (as I'm still due a WCA), support in applying for and dealing with Universal Credit, if it transpires I'm no longer able to claim ESA.
This is what she said:
"My expectations will be for you to attend the sessions here with...and... if you wish to continue. That would be to attend two sessions each week. I fully understand if you feel this is not what you want and if you wish to exit the programme that’s ok and you can still engage in courses that are run by the Carlton Centre."
So we go from a position of mutual understanding and of respecting my feelings to giving up on the things you were going to look into, abandon me to the vagaries of the DWP and walk the fuck away.
No, I don't wish to exit the programme, nor have I ever said that I did. I do think that it doesn't have much to offer (except providing computers to look up volunteer work, of which there isn't much that's worthwhile - but they don't look into anything on their end either, despite all the Big Lottery Pounds they have been given).
This is how it works folks. You are dealing with people that simply do not understand or appreciate how difficult it is for folks with mental health, social isolation, and general difficulties to actually do something. To wit (she goes on to say):
But this is a lie, we agreed on at least 3 things, I have mentioned them above, she could look into and hasn't. So what does that say?
Don't take our rejection and abandonment of you, at a difficult time when you are struggling with depression and anxiety, as a negative though! When we first met she even told me she personally knew the DWP Work Psychologist (the one that claimed she could perform an Aspergers diagnosis test, but lied). So I had asked the adviser to speak with her about this situation. Of course you can guess where taht went.
Unfortunately while it may not 100% be the right project, the reality is, thanks to our shit government and shit system, it is the ONLY project. I was told at the outset that this organisation was partnered with a group, based in Bristol, called WECIL who are funded by the same source and thus were partners. That turned out to be bollocks, funding stops at the regional border and they, WECIL, offer very little outside of Bristol. A fact they reminded me off when I emailed them last week. They were supposed to have put me on their mailing list but I hadn't heard anything.
This is the reality of support. If you don't live in the right place, your options are seriously limited. If you deal with someone they will claim to have a range of knowledge experience and/or contacts that they don't have. Ultimately this will come back around and bite you on the ass because it will mean that they will say "we are struggling to help you" and you will get the blame - i.e. they will shake your hand and wave bye bye.
So it seems I will have to attend, not one, but both of these courses in order to continue receiving the meagre, but useful, help that exists. This could be crucial if I have to claim UC - but then equally they could be fucking useless there as well. At the very least I have something.
The price of support is to attend a colour therapy weekly session that I have no interest in that I know is not scientifically valid support and is just faddish nonsense. Look if colours make you feel good, great, and if this idea interests you, great. I'm not knocking that. But do not tell me it is going to change the reality of the life I lead nor the system I live in. Purple (the colour of creativity apparently - whatever that means, she couldn't tell me) clothing isn't something I can afford nor want to.
It also means attenting the weekly wellbeing session (not either, both ffs!) as well, where I will be told about positive thinking and goal setting and all this drivel I've heard before. All of which assumes I don't try and do things, don't have goals, etc. I've seen the curriculum, it includes topics like "what makes you feel good"?!? I don't even know if I want to be compelled to discuss that. Isn't that a personal matter; moreover doesn't it change depending on the circumstances. Like music, what I enjoy one moment changes to the next. But that's too nuanced for this. The goal of which will be to offer a simplistic and glib response ("I like a nice sunset") so you can be told to experience more of it ("well, go and watch a sunset and your life will transform"). I didn't sign up for Paul McKenna new age bullshit. I signed up for credible support which is supposed to have funding. Things like bus fares and benefits advice help me. Not the colour fucking purple! I'm not Prince!
Addendum (clever word for 'I forgot to include this at first'): I'm not sorry for spelling errors, piss poor grammar, or a rambling prose here. I needed to get this off my chest. I'm fucking tired of these organisations.
I say have been working; that should probably be past tense because this relationship looks like it's going to go the same way as my experience with all the rest - including the professional liars at the Salvation Army on the Work Programme back in the day.
Of course they will say it's all my fault - that I'm not engaging - but it's just the same old victim blaming narrative and an easy excuse to get rid of someone that isn't giving them the results they need for funding, or whatever. In this case they have lottery funding so that shouldn't - according to the impression I was given - be an issue. But these people are all fundamentally dishonest: they pretend to be your friend and then walk away.
I'm sick of dealing with people like that in my life, I find it incredibly difficulty to process and it's fundamentally disappointing not to be able to make concrete and lasting relationships. But they don't care.
So what happened?
Well, it's been two weeks since I was last told by my adviser, who had otherwise seemed quite nice and accepting of my position, issues and feelings on various topics, that she wanted to 'catch up'. Great, I thought. Then I hear nothing for ages. This is not the first time, by the way. I only hear from them when I go into their office to get bus fare refunded (guess that won't be happening anymore) and visit the creative writing class they paid (£5 - hardly Big Lottery Pounds!) for that I wanted to do (guess that won't be happening anymore).
Last time we met was at the start of the year - a meeting again I had to prompt. She asked me how I was and I told her that I was struggling. She hadn't seen me before suggesting I meet with the colour therapist. I told her how that went, which is to say I found it a complete waste of time. What do they expect - colour fucking therapy? Seriously? These people have no understanding of mental health if they think looking at a purple sunset or wearing a green coat is going to make any difference.
Anyway we discussed a few things: she agreed that bus fare is a problem and that she would ask about getting a monthly ticket (at least one). I told her about my interest in music and she said she'd go away and look into that, and she also mentioned something about writing - possibly journalism - that I can't fully recall that she was also going to bone up on. Ok, sounds great. She also seemed to accept my position on their wellbeing (including colour therapy) programme. To reiterate: I'm not interested in sitting in a group of three discussing magic thinking and pop psychology. I am not here to be victim blamed or sold all the usual 'think positive!' crap that doesn't change your life, doesn't change the fundamental problems in our system, and only leaves you feeling negative that nothing has changed!
But it appears not.
I emailed her on Monday to find out what was happening. She got back to me this morning with a polite ultimatum. Apparently she is 'struggling' to help and that, if I don't agree to do these wellbeing/colour therapy courses they are going to take their toys (which is to say financial support) and walk away. This would also, at this critical time (as I'm still due a WCA), support in applying for and dealing with Universal Credit, if it transpires I'm no longer able to claim ESA.
This is what she said:
"My expectations will be for you to attend the sessions here with...and... if you wish to continue. That would be to attend two sessions each week. I fully understand if you feel this is not what you want and if you wish to exit the programme that’s ok and you can still engage in courses that are run by the Carlton Centre."
So we go from a position of mutual understanding and of respecting my feelings to giving up on the things you were going to look into, abandon me to the vagaries of the DWP and walk the fuck away.
No, I don't wish to exit the programme, nor have I ever said that I did. I do think that it doesn't have much to offer (except providing computers to look up volunteer work, of which there isn't much that's worthwhile - but they don't look into anything on their end either, despite all the Big Lottery Pounds they have been given).
This is how it works folks. You are dealing with people that simply do not understand or appreciate how difficult it is for folks with mental health, social isolation, and general difficulties to actually do something. To wit (she goes on to say):
"Please don’t take this as a negative, but as I said I feel that this may not be the right project at the moment for you.
I have asked you on several occasions on how I can help you and I have had nothing to really work on."
But this is a lie, we agreed on at least 3 things, I have mentioned them above, she could look into and hasn't. So what does that say?
Don't take our rejection and abandonment of you, at a difficult time when you are struggling with depression and anxiety, as a negative though! When we first met she even told me she personally knew the DWP Work Psychologist (the one that claimed she could perform an Aspergers diagnosis test, but lied). So I had asked the adviser to speak with her about this situation. Of course you can guess where taht went.
Unfortunately while it may not 100% be the right project, the reality is, thanks to our shit government and shit system, it is the ONLY project. I was told at the outset that this organisation was partnered with a group, based in Bristol, called WECIL who are funded by the same source and thus were partners. That turned out to be bollocks, funding stops at the regional border and they, WECIL, offer very little outside of Bristol. A fact they reminded me off when I emailed them last week. They were supposed to have put me on their mailing list but I hadn't heard anything.
This is the reality of support. If you don't live in the right place, your options are seriously limited. If you deal with someone they will claim to have a range of knowledge experience and/or contacts that they don't have. Ultimately this will come back around and bite you on the ass because it will mean that they will say "we are struggling to help you" and you will get the blame - i.e. they will shake your hand and wave bye bye.
So it seems I will have to attend, not one, but both of these courses in order to continue receiving the meagre, but useful, help that exists. This could be crucial if I have to claim UC - but then equally they could be fucking useless there as well. At the very least I have something.
The price of support is to attend a colour therapy weekly session that I have no interest in that I know is not scientifically valid support and is just faddish nonsense. Look if colours make you feel good, great, and if this idea interests you, great. I'm not knocking that. But do not tell me it is going to change the reality of the life I lead nor the system I live in. Purple (the colour of creativity apparently - whatever that means, she couldn't tell me) clothing isn't something I can afford nor want to.
It also means attenting the weekly wellbeing session (not either, both ffs!) as well, where I will be told about positive thinking and goal setting and all this drivel I've heard before. All of which assumes I don't try and do things, don't have goals, etc. I've seen the curriculum, it includes topics like "what makes you feel good"?!? I don't even know if I want to be compelled to discuss that. Isn't that a personal matter; moreover doesn't it change depending on the circumstances. Like music, what I enjoy one moment changes to the next. But that's too nuanced for this. The goal of which will be to offer a simplistic and glib response ("I like a nice sunset") so you can be told to experience more of it ("well, go and watch a sunset and your life will transform"). I didn't sign up for Paul McKenna new age bullshit. I signed up for credible support which is supposed to have funding. Things like bus fares and benefits advice help me. Not the colour fucking purple! I'm not Prince!
Addendum (clever word for 'I forgot to include this at first'): I'm not sorry for spelling errors, piss poor grammar, or a rambling prose here. I needed to get this off my chest. I'm fucking tired of these organisations.
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