Jobsearch 2

Let's go into two of the jobs mentioned in the last entry in more detail:
The first is an assistant manager running a charity shop. It's three days a week, which amounts to 21 hours a week at just over £6 an hour. That's not really a particularly great wage, nor does it amount to a sum of money that one can reasonably live on long term. It's also not a job I want. I don't feel capable of dealing with these responsibilities; nor do I aspire to them. I don't want a career in retail nor retail management. I might concede if it was my own business and thus something I was interested in. But while I've absolutely no problem with charity shops (even though there are a ton of them surrounding the shop in question) at all and fully support voluntary work, this is not what I want to do. How the hell can I do this? Yet the JC decided that 21 hours a week was within my coping capability, but I cannot apply for this job. I guess that means I'm a lazy scrounger: that's the only alternative way to explain the attitude of someone refusing this job according to the current narrative. Even if I were to apply (and I might for precisely this reason even though it's intellectually dishonest and a waste of everyone's time) I sincerely doubt I'd get very far.
The second vacancy is full time in a local library with the provision of being available to work in other local libraries, which technically I am not (due to crap transport provision). Most likely the library you'd be covering is nearer than the venue in question so that isn't an issue. However what is an issue is that I'd be dealing with the public in ways I really don't feel comfortable with, specifically kids. I don't deal with kids. I find it impossible to interact with them in this way (which is another symptom of the asperger issue I believe I have, though I'm sure I'll probably find out that's not true). These libraries will have you dealing with kids a lot through reading programmes (which are a good thing). Not just kids of course: this is a customer facing job where you need to interact with people of all kinds. Sorry, but right now I can't do this.
These jobs frighten me. They offer levels of responsibility or commitment I just can't handle right now. The Jobcentre have been given notice by my GP that I shouldn't be put forward for jobs I can't handle. Of course they will think that I can handle these jobs and I don't doubt most people will just think I should 'grow up' etc. But that's not how mental health works. Sadly there's no discussion of what I can or could do, only 'this is what we have available, get and apply for it'.
I have applied for the library job, even though my application looks like shit - it doesn't help that the standard application process is worded and constructed in such a way that people with little experience (ie less info to put down onto a form) or health issues (particularly mental health - even problems that seem much less serious than many others) just come across badly. I don't have references either.
However I don't think I'll apply for the manager job. It's completely beyond me and at any rate what chance have I? If they ended up picking me the first thing I'd want to know is just what was the standard of competition in the application process! It's a job at a level that I neither desire, nor can face doing. Unfortunately you can't be seen to be saying that in this era of 'Saints and Scroungers' (ooh look Marjory, aged 90, still runs marathons through minefields to support Age Concern; compared to her you're a miserable scrounger).
The paradigm is the problem. The framing of this whole issue is the problem. There are no alternatives offered, nor any support. I either sink or swim. Doubtless if the JC find out I haven't applied for these jobs they will stop my money: rules is rules and if you say you are going to apply then that's what you must do. If you can't do it - why didn't you say so?
My head is where it's at, folks, that's all I can say. My state of mind, my cognitive or perhaps more accurately psycho-emotional makeup is what it is. I believe I have aspergers, or at least some issues of a similar nature that do, to whatever level they do so, inhibit my options, in this case my availability for work. Why is that an issue? Why not offer help to mitigate this and help find something suitable. Why is it always 'here's what's on the computer take it or lose benefits?'. It's such a shortsighted transient approach.