Skip to main content

Stuck - Fear of the Marketplace

In the past I have seen a couple of counsellors. The first was a stoney faced old harridan with zero interest whose only contribution, that I can recall, was to say that agoraphobia was dealt with by dumping someone in the centre of town and leaving them to their own devices, as some think you teach a child to swim. At the time there was mention of a diagnosis for agoraphobia as the first attempt to understand my issues. There was no mention of Aspergers or even ADD (or any such thing) and so I asked the counsellor, sat there looking at me like a statue, how you treat this condition. She had made no effort to engage with me, talk to me or ask me anything other than my name and some cursory preliminary questions. In turn I too sat there, confused as to what was meant to happen. It's my belief that the counsellor should lead the session, but what do I know.

Subsequently I saw another counsellor a few years later, via the local GP, she wasn't much better, certainly a warmer personality, but no more helpful. It seems that counselling is really just someone sitting and listening to you. Now that's great - for certain situations only. For me, notsomuch.

A recurring theme was the 'stuckness' of my life. I've often felt like life was - is - like a caul; a barely perceptible membrane that hems me in. This membrane, matrix-like, is created by various social conventions and cultural norms that one either identifies with or struggles against. The most successful people I know are the least sensitive - that's not meant unkindly, it's to say that because they don't really think too deeply, even feel too deeply, they don't perceive that membrane. They get up, do a fairly average job well paid or otherwise, go down t'pub, watch the footie, etc. I have never been that person: I don't like football, I have never really enjoyed the taste of alcohol (save the occasional bottled beer), and couldn't function in a fairly average job. I can't really articulate why, that's the point of the Asperger's diagnosis merry-go-round (that I'm still waiting on), but I feel it. I loved the Matrix, a great action movie but with surprisingly insightful depth regarding the conformist nature of human existence.

Of course most people will regard this as poppycock of the most self indulgent kind. They will think I'm feeling sorry for myself; that I'm lazy. Why shouldn't I have a crap job? Why aren't I prepared to get up and work all the hours a non-existent god sends? Of course everyone else has to do these things. Is that really how we want our society to evolve? Isn't that just capitulation? The tories want quiet acquiescence into slavery - because that's where we are. Slaves to ecnomic conditions: beggars can't be choosers. In some ways I envy those people with less sensitivity, although they probably would choke on how patronising that sounds. Again it's not meant to be. Ignorance is, well, bliss!

This isn't acceptable to me. This is my life and I believe it precious enough to protect from capitalist predation, or marketplace and speculation. I simply couldn't function in the vacancy I viewed earlier on the DWP website. A job stapling papers (or some such, it wasn't, as ever, particularly clear) miles away. Travel would be a nightmare enough that I couldn't cope. I didn't apply, nor will I. But what help is there? Again the DWP offers nothing, but conformity to the 'beggars can't be choosers' idiom. Not good enough in my opinion; if these people are going to hold the purse strings that allow me money to either eat or starve then they have a responsibility to provide me with better choices. This is one of the richest countries on the planet and the best we can do is some crummy adverts in the DWP? No training, no education, no opportunity for self development, no support for doing it yourself. Nothing. I find this laughably ludicrous. I have issues that make it difficult for me to 'take what's given' yet the DWP, and I suspect the incoming (for me at least) Work Programme, are culturally incapable of dealing with this. It seems to me that the WP is nothing but another layer of state funded bureaucracy the populist press can both insidiously rail against and support that offers no real solutions and is therefore egregious and iniquitous by it's own irrelevance.

How can we as a society ever move forward if all we are prepared to do is let ourselves be dominated by business as usual in the marketplace?


Popular posts from this blog

I Fucking Hate the Work Programme

That did not go well.
My legs were wobbly to begin with as I closed in on the church that passes for the office of the employment wing of the Salvation Army. My appointment was 3 to half past. I really did feel sick. Pretty early on, when he asked for the forms he gave me last time to fill in, I knew that what was arranged on the letter (a short interview with me bringing my CV and jobsearch) was actually going to be much longer. I also knew that, come half three when I had to leave to catch my bus back ten minutes later, I was going to have problems. 
Unfortunately, though more for me I fear, it never got that far; at 20 past he terminated the interview citing my apparent 'putting up barriers' as the reason not to continue. This was because I refused consent for him to keep my CV. I asked why he needed it and offered, three times, to show it to him (that's all), he said it was to apply for jobs on my behalf. The EEC's need this information.
What's an EEC? Employm…

U.N. and Them

What are my thoughts on this?

It's a humanitarian crisis. Is that a phrase we should only reserve for famines in Africa or force majeure? We seem to have a blind spot to these things when they are on our own doorstep - it couldn't happen here, could it?


Seven years of the most brutal selfish and greedy governance, not to mention the least competent, has brought us to the point where the United Nations are telling the Tories they are causing a 'human catastrophe' amongst the disabled and the sick. This is not the first time, and even that doesn't include their comments on the hated and spiteful (not to mention ineffectual) Bedroom Tax.

Do the Tories persist with these policies because they actually believe they are correct or even moral?

Or is it because they have no other way to appease the media attack dogs and/or the braying Shirefolk that delight in persecuting the poor as they do torturing foxes and badgers?

Is it both?

We have a government, in a first wor…

Into the Mirror

So tomorrow morning is my WCA. Needless to say I am not looking forward to it, and that would be an understatement. It's currently sitting in my mind, refusing to leave, cooking up a stultifying negativity. That's the thing with depression; it's a presence that, even if you manage to distract yourself for a time, it returns with hammer-like vengeance. That feeling alone is enough to make the problem of depression the horrible reality it is. Sucker punched by your own thoughts.

Logically - as if we live in a logical society - I should pass. My situation is unchanged from last year. However that is exactly why I won't pass. You might think it reasonable to simply report that fact, but the simplicity of doing so, the ease of process, is exactly why you can't. Instead I will be seen, likely by someone different, and asked the same questions; some of which will not be relevant but part of the deceptive nature of the process. For example, being asked 'how did you get…