Green Gone

Over the last week or so, some bright spark, for reasons unknown, has decided to completely destroy a nearby field. This field has not been 'developed' or managed in any way since I can remember, and that's several decades. I remember playing there as a kid, amongst the tree trunks, stinging nettles and grass. That doesn't sound appealiong, but it's nature; wild and free! In all seriousness, while such places might not sound appealing, I like how they look. It is how they were meant to look; not manicured and manufactured artificial environments. 

It saddens me to see someone come along and tear it all down. Now it's a muddy field, the treeline that has demarcated this environment around me like a swaying comfort blanket has been torn down. All that remains is a grotty brown field, left for purposes unknown. There was no consultation or even information. I rang the parish council but they seemed neither to care nor know. All they could say was that there are no official planning applications involving that field, but I doubt anyone would go to the expense of demolishing a field were it not worth their while. 

I have no idea who the landowner is and no idwea what their plans are. Perhaps they intend to plant grass and trees anew, though that would be even more expense. Unfortunately this has come at a cost to the wildlife that flourished there. But nobody cares about these things. The only valid fauna these days is a tractor and a thresher.

The area looks exposed and vulnerable. This is not unlike how I feel these days. It is sad to see the land constantly subjugated in this way. It is not, I feel, necessary. The council are quick to respond, and make a fuss, when land is threatened by housing developers, but here they didn't seem to care. It's just a patch of unused field, it doesn't matter.

Well it does to me. It has character. It was a window into another world. A place of timeless natural beauty with a wonder all its own. A realm one can refresh oneself in a world gone mad. A place free from judgement yet with a charm and a depth unmatched by the artifice of society, with its stage managed show gardens and shrubbery. This is how the world is meant to look even if stinging nettles are a pain in the arse. But that pain is a good thing (perhaps!), it is humbling. We are not meant to be masters of all things, we are meant to have a place within the ecosphere of this planet, yet all we do is destroy it.

In other news, the Paris climate change talks seem to be indicative of these attitudes: so much hot air. Nothing will change, we are too far gone to turn back from the brink. With a world dependent on fossil fuels and little desire amongst the leaders of the world to change this, despite the rhetoric of the talks it is clear we had best prepare ourselves for the climate that is to come. 

Here in Britain we are experiencing what I can only describe as the warmest December I can remember. Further north the country is under water. Floods are threatening to become the new winter and yet what is done about this? People will be forced to spend Christmas in temporary accommodation fighting not the cold weather but the insurance industry while the Tories and their capitalist chums cluck their tongues and sit on their hands. Winter isn't coming.

PCT Phone Call

In the dim and distant past my GP said she'd write to the CMHT regarding...whatever. At this point, I'm running on fumes with regard to mental health. There's not really any support and the people you speak to who claim they are there to help either lie or make claims they then deny. For example, the Aspergers clinician who diagnosed me said she'd speak to the ADD people in the same building. When I chased that up she denied she'd said that.

So this morning a "PCT liaison" rang me in respect of the aforementioned letter. Apparently the ADD people recently said (in respect of my GP contacting them herself) they couldn't diagnose me because they think I have anxiety issues severe enough to taint the diagnosis - maybe they are right.

To be honest, the liaison may well have good intentions, but what can they offer? They can't unseat this government that is ravaging social care. They can't depose the exploitative economic system and the feudal hierarchy and it's brutal system of privilege. Will they offer a seat on the same merry go round that begins and ends with the Positive Step organisation who offers a simple CBT course and then...nothing. In fact the liaison mentioned that they offer talking therapies (something I've engaged in before and found useless), I tried repeatedly to tell her - based on my own experience - they don't. They offer a service for all manner of issues, but it all ends up with the same CBT course. When I tried that it was called 'Beating the Blues' and it was no help.

They are going to ring me tomorrow to book an appointment (because apparently the diary wasn't available this morning to the person calling me - bizarre). I guess we will see where that leads, though I suspect my frustration will be difficult to conceal. I don't want to come off as aloof or disinterested, but it's hard not to be; they tell me they will help draw up an, wait for it, 'action plan'. So it's the same old bollocks by the sound of it. People like action plans they think drawing one up is doing something; it's an element of the whole objectionable world of self-help. Action plans won't effect change in the world, society or economy.

My Brother Hate

It's very depressing watching the decline of our society. I see it everywhere: the malaise mixed with a frustration that borders on malevolence. Everyone, as human beings, senses there is something amiss but few seem to understand what it is and fewer care enough to want change. People are all too comfortable with divisive TV rubbish, binge drinking and jingoism.

It's sa to see this affect people I know. Ever since my friend, who isn't even someone I'm desperately close to, got with his current partner I've perceived a change. It's not that she's the root of all evil, but she's just that kind of ignorant: she spends her time glued to Facebook gossiping while some god awful rubbish is on the TV - such as Benefits Street. She also reads the Sun!

People like this don't seem to bother to criticise what they read, they just consume. They passively interact with the information that is beamed into their consciousness and rarely question it, and that is very dangerous. As a result they become defensive when questioned, which leads to a divisive mentality mixed iwth a persecution complex. As a result I find it very difficult to quesiton the resulting values: I do not want to be seen as arrogant or patronising, but when you have someone that, when their kid asks who got booted off the Apprentice, refers to that candidate, being Asian, as 'poppadom', you have a problem.

Unfortunately he, my friend, has picked up on this kind of intolerance. His attitude towards muslims is troubling. For example reference was made to a muslim that his partner works with (she's a 'raghead' apparently, because...foreigner innit). This person is apparently demanding and unreasonable because of her religious values, but in the context of who is telling me this I have to wonder where the real intolerance lies.

Recently he got into a, thankfully non-serious, RTA involving a lad who he inadvertently hit. It seems there was no injury and, from what he tells me, the kid wasn't watching where he was going. That's entirely believable, but when the N word is used, in reference to the ethnicity of the kid problems arise. He now seems comfortable using that word and was dismissive of the kid and what he perceived his background to be.

This is casual racism and it is something I find desperately difficult to confront. I do not want to be a guest in someone's home and then find myself in a position where I'm telling them how to behave, but racism is unacceptable. I call it casual because it isn't a conscious attempt to hate on people and stir trouble - like Hitler proselytising from the Reichstag. Instead it's an attitude bred by divisive simplistic and ignorant media putting the blame for the ills of a complicated fast pressured society on the minority groups within. So his attitude toward Muslims comes from his perceptions surrounding immigration; they are getting all the new houses. It's nothing of course to do with the fact there aren't enough houses being built.

It's sad to see this happening and I don't know how to deal with it, but I sure as hell do not want to associate with it. I can't be around people like that long term.