Everyday Conditionality

Well that was a complete waste of time. Unsurprisingly.

It seems I have reached the limits of what our system can offer. The appointment with the Primary Care Liaison offered nothing. According to them I do not meet any criteria for a diagnosis. Well that may or may not be true, but it's the reality that now exists. What seems clear is that the system is only prepared to recognise a certain level of conditionality. Consequently, what might be described as everyday conditionality - the pressure from society and the system that oppresses us - is ignored. 

This has long been a problem that's been ignored: as those pressures increase, the effects become more normalised, especially in lieu of any solution addressing those pressures. Since there's no chance of that happening people are left to sink or swim in a situation where the waterline is constantly rising; that waterline is the normalisation of every day stress anxiety and depression. All those things represent perfectly rational responses to an unfair exploitative and oppressive system.

I tried explaining the reality of this situation to the nurse, but it was for nought. They have nothing to offer, the system doesn't allow it. What we have is triage: people are expected to continue producing in this economy and the little help that does exist is prioritised for those that are really up shit creek. I guess I can be fortunate I don't suffer anything as severe as, for example, schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. But then I'm not interested in competing for the provision the capitalist ruling elite deems an acceptable expense. That provision only exists to get people fit enough to get back on the production line, that's the purpose of CBT (and it's interesting I read that the effectiveness is decreasing, thanks to a recognition of the placebo effect being active).

What is frustrating is the usual lack of administrative care. I asked if the GP had sent over all the details of the discussions we'd had prior to her contacting the Primary Care department. Of course she hadn't (the nurse referred to my GP as a male, which means the only reference she has comes from several years prior when my GP was male). This was frustrating for a couple of reasons: firstly I felt that, haphazardly, the GP was starting to understand my position. She had asked for evidence of the online tests I had done in pursuance of aspergers/neuro diversity, I provided that. None of this information was passed on. 

More importantly it means that I had to try and explain the difficulties and issues I have afresh, which is something I find difficult. Having all this discussed and, presumably, recorded by the GP, and subsequently forwarded would have helped immeasurably. The nurse claimed they liked to have the patient describe their symptoms afresh and 'in their own words', but actually I don't. This is because, when you're in the storm, so to speak, it's hard to think clearly. In other words, I find that my thinking is clouded, because of the issues I talk about, and so appealing to it to explain it is not easy. I only get one shot with the nurse and so if I fail to explain things properly that's my loss. I don't get another chance at this point. They aren't going to think differently without a good reason to do so.

This appointment came about after the Attention Deficit Disorder people responded to my GP's request for an appointment saying that my anxiety needed addressing first. I'm not sure how they have decided (not incorrectly to be fair) that I have anxiety since they have never seen me. I can only assume this conclusion comes from the aspergers diagnosis, which itself was conducted by someone who was dishonest (she said she'd speak to the ADD people then didn't and lied about saying so - I put this to the nurse but of course she wasn't interested in hearing that sort of thing). However anxiety was not brought up in that diagnosis.

So the end result is I have no way forward with any of this. The support structures that society and those with everyday mental health conditionality need do not exist. There is no help for people like this, me, to move forward, so if you don't have people that can help you out, don't know anyone that can help you - you're fucked. I have to accept the diagnostic conclusions that have been presented to me, however haphazard, and so I have to accept I don't have any mental health problems. It's just a shame my head and my heart say otherwise.