Magical Thinking

Well that's that for pursuing a diagnosis for Aspergers or anything remotely similar.

I contacted the Patient Advisory Liaison Service (PALS) to try and sort this out after being lied to by the clinician regarding referring me to the ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) people. That never happened and she continues to deny saying she would. Of course I cannot prove this and so the patient-doctor dynamic kicks in: I'm the lowly patient, she's the expert doctor, her reputation versus mine and so who wins?

I could make a complaint, but what would be the point. I might get a nice letter in a few months time saying sorry in a mealy mouthed way, but it doesn't get me any closer to what I need. That being a diagnosis, a formal, written and recorded, recognition of the issues I deal with. Lacking that, dealing with the systems in society, chiefly the DWP, becomes more difficult. Unfortunately the medical profession doesn't seem to care about that.

We have a society fuelled by anxiety and stress that also denies mental health issues as anything other than just laziness or weakness of character. Our society is built on toxic macho stereotypes leaving no room for such problems. Combined with a medical service that is completely ill equipped to deal with these problems, except in extreme (re: suicidal) cases, and the average person is left to cope. This only normalises the levels of stress and anxiety and mental anguish that people have, no matter how debilitating or serious. In short, nobody cares.

All that I am recommended is, once again, the agency (partnered with ATOS, which says it all) called Positive Step. In lieu of a proper holistic service they have become the go-to people the NHS uses when dealing with someone who has mental health issues (of a non-extreme kind). Unfortunately, Positive Step has been dishonest about their provision: all they offer is a specific, short, curriculum of CBT, a therapy with mixed results that doesn't apply to all situations despite what they might say. This is sold to the medical profession on a lie: it is the same service whether it is sold as anxiety relief, self esteem, 'wellbeing therapy'  (whatever that is), talking therapy, mood management, etc. I have had to correct my doctor multiple times that they do not offer a multitude of different services for these different approaches and problems; they simply do one thing and one thing only. It is not a panacea by any means.

It also contributes to the general idea that one is responsible for one's own issues and that, essentially, by thinking positively and cheering up, one can overcome. That is what the CBT they offer amounts to: relax (easier said than done of course) and try and talk yourself out of fear of X (be it spiders, heights, clowns, etc). If your anxiety or mood comes from a legitimate concern: lack of income, lack of a home, society, capitalism, etc, then forget it. Yet, despite the reality of the truth of these external conditions, it is still 'your' fault insofar as you are the only one that can change anything. Perversely this is a tacit admission of the reality even though one cannot change external conditions, not at least by simply wishing them away.

We are victims of systems that, at least, predate our appearance on this earth. I was born, without consent, into a system not of my design or choosing. Yet I am expected to agree to its terms without discussion or compromise. If I struggle or fail to meet or live up to those conditions I alone am held accountable as it is clearly a personal failing. In that respect the purveyors of magical thinking believe that I, the subject, am the agent of change, or at least the author of my own misfortune. Vapid solutions, talking about personal journeys and wish fulfilling magical roadmaps to success, are offered, in exchange for government money of course by the likes of charities who should know better. They do not and cannot have the solution, yet they will not accept the reality and instead simply reinforce it by blaming the victim.

When will this change?