The nonsense with the social enterprise continues. I don't know what the correct title for these sorts of agencies is if not social enterprise so that will have to do.
Honestly, it just wears me down. I went to a meeting held by another grassroots mental health group. They are called Clarity and while they seem very nice (if a little standoffish, but I guess we've all got problems to be dealing with :( ). Unfortunately they were less a support group and more a campaign group. What's unfortunate about that is that I need the former more right now. Campaigning is certainly important and what I heard from the representative of the, I suppose, 'social enterprise sector' present was rather depressing. In short, because this is a Tory area, there are massive cuts to services voted for en masse by the local, dominant, Tory rump who reuse to accept mental health is a problem here (and could the local mental health peeps kindly fuck off to Bristol).
For me, right now, I need to build a support network. I need places I can go, easily, with people that I can get on with; specifically people i share a worldview with. This might sound counter intuitive to many. They might, reasonably, conclude that the broader the range of experiences and views I expose myself to, the better. However, I am not convinced: I have a worldview and I believe it to be correct. In short I need the support of the kind of society I want to be in: a non judgemental compassionate society that is aware of the systems of oppression (specifically but not solely capitalism) we are exposed to. I subscribe to the model of mental health that, correctly, identifies a social component to ill health - particularly when it comes to conditions like depression and anxiety. These are not addressed by ignorant social enterprises, nor by associating with just anyone.
Campaigning is very important, though I'm not convinced that just campaigning will achieve much. Seven years of Tory led misery has shown this to be true; they will do what they want, using whatever means, when they want; damn public opinion. After all they couldn't get be less popular while voting to cut school meals for everyone - except those under the DUP (despicable). The problem is that I haven't the energy for it right now. The problem is, locally, I think it will take a hell of a lot to displace said Tory rump; it's ideological. This is a community of people that buys into Tory values. Changing that will be next to impossible. It will take something a lot more radical than appealing to people's democratic values - especially when those values put us in this mess to begin with. Never mind that mental health is still very much a taboo issue.
On a more prosaic and personal level, travelling to and attending this meeting was hard. The latter because, as a campaign discussion I wasn't expecting with people I didn't know, I didn't really have anything to say. I just sat there for an hour in silence. A bit melodramatic to say, but I'm just being honest. That said I will endeavour to attend more, it is once a month, and, while it's not quite what I need, it is interesting hearing about the state of things locally. Even if that state is pretty dire.
Travel on the other hand is becoming increasingly onerous. That might sound ridiculous for a half hour bus journey on a popular route, but the cost alone is too much. It has reached the point where I simply cannot travel often so I have to do more when I'm out. This means doing my shopping, so I come home exhausted from the trauma of dealing with Tesco and lugging heavy bags around. If this was local, I could just pop out without having to pay a small fortune and get there and back easily. It might not sound like a big deal, particularly if your mental health isn't an issue, but even small mundane things can be difficult. That's what it's like to have these kinds of issues.
Finally to report on my progress with the aforementioned social enterprise. Honestly, it's a joke. So I have a meeting booked for the first week of April. In that email I was informed of a "group offering creating writing opportunities". Crucially no details were provided, which infuriated me, especially given everything that's happened. It took me two emails back and forth to press them to actually tell me what it was, rather than wait for my appointment. They seemed to treat it like a kid desperate to know what his Christmas presents are ahead of the day. Why behave like this, it's utterly puerile. Turns out it's not really a creative writing opportunity. It's actually - apparently, because it's not even verified - a rumour that the local museum has a group that researches and writes up local history. So that's not what I'd consider creative writing; it's history. There's a difference as the writing part is ancillary and not the focus. I'm not terribly interested in doing historical research for this tedious little shire, quite honestly. However I did contact the museum who have yet to respond. Even so this is not what I feel I was led to believe; it's effectively a lie by omission. The problem here is that, when I explain all this and turn the opportunity down, I will be giving the social enterprise further ammunition to accuse me of not engaging. This sort of gaslighting shit is just what people have to deal with (I doubt I'm the only one).
It's too easy, when there's a dearth of opportunities, to use what few there are to demand more of the service user. If all you can offer is not what I'm interested in then surely the problem isn't with the service user, me, it's with the lack of opportunities for that which I am interested in. And it isn't as if I'm looking for crazy pie in the sky ideas either.
On it goes.
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