The Unkindness of Strangers

Or, The Internet Is a Shit Show.

Let's be honest. For all the wonderful things it brings, it is a very hostile place. Especially if you have mental health problems. That's not to say everyone using it is a horrible person, but that those who are face no consequences. It's the wild west and it's run by cliques and group think. If you fall foul of a prevailing consensus, things will go downhill and never change. In fact if you appeal or seek redress you will make things worse. The cognitive dissonance of this outcome, of the reasonable decision to try and clear things up only making things worse, is particularly toxic for mental health sufferers. For all the nice things and nice people that are online, the prevalence of toxicity remains a huge problem.

I don't know how to fix this; I am not an authoritarian and we certainly can't expect the likes of government (especially one that is killing the poor) to deal with this.

I feel obliged to point out that the above isn't a cover story for my own indiscretions. It is simply a statement of my own experience dealing with many online communities; they seem to be run by awful people. Individuals with a particular ideological, political, or social attitude that cannot be shifted nor reasoned with. If you fall foul of it, no matter how innocently, you will be treated pretty shabbily, all things considered.

This isn't to lose perspective - #firstworldproblems! - it is to point out that the internet offers a unique relatively open platform for discussion on a variety of issues. For individuals like myself that suffer social isolation it can also be a lifeline. That is why I take this seriously; to take that lifeline away through poor moderation or online bullying is actually a very cruel thing to do. Unfortunately one of the things that you cannot do online is admit your vulnerabilities because, again (and again perversely), this just makes it worse. In many ways this open platform operates like kids in a playground. It's desperately sad.

This is the new reality. It may not be what we want. It may not even be what we need. But for those of us with very little, it's what we've got. If I want to talk on certain topics the internet remains the best place to go. I don't have the opportunity to talk politics in real life. Yet when I try and do so online I have to navigate an invisible minefield of etiquette and digital mores that, if communication isn't your strong point, can trip you up. A box of text becomes a very different proposition than full human communication with its inflections, body language and tonalities. Something vital is lost in the translation between typing and sending, something that doesn't appear on screen.

For people who struggle to communicate well, perhaps if they are, like me neuro diverse, this becomes very difficult. People read what you have written as if it was something else and you will not understand why. It is as if you had written in a peculiar language that, to you, was as normal and clear as anything. Someone takes exception to a message that you felt was clearly written or well intended and that's where the trouble starts...

Because the internet is unforgiving. People's reactions will instantly redline. They will assume the worst and offer no charity. Benefit of the doubt doesn't exist online. If you fall foul of the moderation, then you will be excommunicated as if you'd punched the vicar in the face and pissed in the font. It is a ridiculous way to respond, it would never happen off line and for that reason I believe it to be unhealthy. In fact sa I type this I find myself assuming that whoever's reading this could be thinking "yeah, right...what did you say, what did you do?" Because of course I couldn't be saying this without being guilty of something, of breaking some forum rules. But that's the point, it can and does happen. It's toxic and it ought to be addressed. Unfortunately the only real solution is for these  communities to stand up and demand better of themselves. It's especially sad when it happens to progressive communities.

PS: hopefully the comments section is less onerous now, if people want to reply. Thanks