Last time they recommended that I work with Fedcap Employment. I tried that, it proved to be a complete waste of time. I have no doubt that, were the DWP to ask them (though it has nothing to do with them since I self referred), they would say I wasn't cooperative. Or some such bullshit. It's how these organisations operate, sadly. Since I cut ties with them it of course looks bad on my part. I guess we'll find out how that goes. If they ask me what I've been doing I'll either tell them about it or I won't. Either way isn't going to go well for me. It's ridiculous that this is how it goes, but that's the nature of our relationship. It's toxic. It counts for nothing that I self referred, attended every appointment (admittedly that wasn't hard) and engaged with them, telling them what I wanted to do. But again, it counts for nothing because it falls outside of the perception of what's acceptable. Despite having a growing portfolio of credible work, the notion of wanting to do music is treated as a childish fantasy. Like wanting to race cars or ride the rodeo.
This is how a first world country treats people out of work. There's a whole raft of possibilities. They have money. This government can squander billions on nonsense and dodgy deals to inflate the wealth of the already wealthy. But when it comes to even sparing a few quid to help people without realise a few simple dreams, crickets. There's no guarantee I'm going to make a living off of the music I write. The odds make that unlikely, but there's as good a chance for me as anyone else. The tragedy is the observer effect, after a fashion. The idea that the outcome is affected by the observation. In this case, if the DWP/state does nothing to help when, essentially, it could, then it's just causing the outcome of failure. Consequently that's used as a stick to beat the subject, often leading to curtailment of the already meagre support they do offer. It's this paucity of imagination on the part of the state that bothers me the most. I'm not doing nothing, I could just use some real support. Help promoting what I'm doing, giving it a platform, etc. A few quid for better gear wouldn't go amiss but it's not vital. After all we live in a world where tech gets replaced and discarded all the time. The government, for instance, drags its heels to provide locked down kids with laptops so they can participate in distanced learning, when there are thousands of computers that get recycled or just thrown out by offices and business nationwide after being upgraded. Using those solves not just the problem of provision, but of dealing with waste. How backward we are.
Went into Bristol earlier. Needed some stuff. The bus was rammed on the way in. People sat with masks around their chins chatting. People constantly pulling them down to do so. They seem to think it's ok as long as you pay lip service to the notion of wearing a mask, but not actually wearing one. It's hopeless. I feel like I'm the only sane one in the room, so to speak, and I want to tell these people off. That would end up with me getting laughed at or worse. That's what gaslighting feels like and this government has had a year to normalise the necessary job of wearing a mask.
The city was very busy. It felt more like a traditional Saturday afternoon. Honestly they should have waited until after the school holidays before opening everything up. People everywhere. I thought it would be nice to go out, into town, for the first time this year. But instead it was exhausting. I got what I needed and came home. I don't want to be doing that on a regular basis. I will not be remotely surprised if this leads to a rise in the virus.
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