Pop quiz: what do the following people have in common? Toby Young, with Shadow Employment Minister Stephen Timms, 7/7 survivor and employment expert Dan Biddle, KFC CEO Martin Shuker, Tesco personnel director Judith Nelson and Michelle Dewberry (from the Apprentice years ago, before getting knocked up by a fellow Apprentice candidate and then resigning).
The answer is 'Sunemployment'.
I had never heard of this, which you might find a bit odd considering they were in town the day before I went to sign on and noone had ever mentioned this to me at the JC, nor was there any literature or advertising at the time. As I don't read the Sun I had, fortunately, never heard of this...this Sunemployment.
Yes, it seems in a scheme so loaded with populist bullshit I fear it might destabilise reality, the Sun has its own scheme to get Britain working. Well thank god for that. Phew, we can all rest assured that Britain's best loved soft porn and football hooligan peddling shitrag will find long term sustained careers for the millions out of work, soon to be out work, sick-but-not-sick-enough-to-not-work, and everyone that isn't a white hard working heterotaxpayer. For fuck's sake, Toby Young? A right wing tory toff gobshite. An opposition minister - opposition! - desperate to cash in on the opportunity (which is the only explanation for an opposition employment minister to be present, says it all really), a guy that was injured in the 7/7 bombings?!? Madam from the Apprentice and people from Tesco and KFC! There are more 'celebrities' than actual employers, how does that make sense? What on earth do the 7/7 bombings have to do with this? No doubt so this gentleman can espouse a 'can do' attitude, having survived such an awful event. Well that's all fine and good, but it's just irrelevant. This is just the Sun stirring the shit. Mr Biddle may also be an employment expert, but would they have picked him if not for 7/7? After all there are plenty of employment experts local anyway, surely? No, this is just to say there are no barriers to work, certainly compared to suffering injury from terrorist bombings (something I do not take pleasure in and am glad he has survived and is happy).
Well, apart from a lack of jobs.
This reminds me of that godawful BBC youth employment fair that was on roughly a year ago, around the time of the riots, or just before. It was the same trick. But does it achieve anything? Not according to the (boo hiss!) SWP.
"Starting on Monday in Newcastle, we’ll be visiting five cities around the UK with top employers including O2, Whitbread, Sainsbury’s, Barclays, Sky, Nissan, British Gas and BT — all eager to hire."
Right, but you didn't bother to tell the Jobcentre (despite Grayling being on deck at the finale) nor Work Programme providers who might have informed their 'custoimers'. Will you be paying travel expenses for prospective employees to attend this seminar and soak up the wisdom of people like Toby Young, Jeremy Kyle and Michelle Dewberry, and whatever talking heads they can cull from The Apprentice You're Fired? If there are so many jobs, why weren't these advertised before hand? Why aren't they, for example, stored in the DWP's own jobsearch website? Are they even full time jobs? Are they even jobs? No mention of Sunemployment (god that's a depressing word) on the KFC site. I just had a look at that site and I can't tell if they have any vacancies or not as it's not clear. It seems to suggest there are vacancies for 'team members' (counter staff, fun), but no mention of hours, location, wage or anything. On the other hand Tesco are not listing anything (including Sunemployment) on their page: I counted 16 local vacancies, none of which were suitable and the majority were night shift positions in Cardiff (not Bristol). I suspect we are talking 'work experience' here. I also suspect this is yet more free publicity for big business who can be seen to be positive employers by turning up and offering the pitiful masses a few scraps.
"Last year hundreds found work — this year it could be YOUR turn."
Hundreds? Doesn't that just say it all? And if your ticket last year wasn't the golden one, there's always next year...I'm sure Jeremy Kyle won't turn down the opportunity to tell you what a scumbag you are, and if not you can always talk to Graham behind the scenes.
"Sorry no jobs match your criteria, please search again."