Stepping Out 5

You know I find these phone consultations to be hard work. I don't know whether it's the format or the endless questionnaire that I have to fill out every week, or the constant need on their part to reassure themselves I'm not going to slash my wrists. What would they do with a patient that said they were going to: have them arrested? Sectioned? I can't imagine many people in that positoin feel compelled to be honest. That's the problem with our system: it's not there to help you, it's there to impose a particular authority upon you. You WILL be made well.

Apparently my questionnaire response was slightly more positive this week. So what? Doesn't really mean anything. Assigning numbers to questions on a piece of paper is a poor reflection of real life. It doesn't address or assist with any of the issues at hand. Of course helping with those issues, social isolation, financial insecurity, the reality I am never going to find a career, and the cost of travelling around, is non existent. The guy I speak to means well, but it's the system: it's oppressive. We're not willing to invest in or create real solutions.

He tells me that I have social phobia, he's even sympathetic to the reality I might have aspergers (despite the lack of a diagnosis), but it means nothing. To have social phobia dealt with means I need to be 'upgraded', I need to be referred to the next treatment 'step', which is step 3. What this means is going back on to another months long waiting list. This is just ridiculous, but what can I do?

He tells me he'll talk to the aspergers diagnostic team, the people that have already lied to me (I explained this to him, for all the good it will do). I doubt it will make any difference. They aren't going to change their mind without good cause, and I can't give them good cause. There is no functioning way to diagnose an adult with an ASD condition. This is stupid, obviously; but it's how the system 'works'.

There's a bus pass scheme that's available for people with mental health issues as well. He even thinks I should be able to get one. Unfortunately the problem is that I need to be a patient of the local mental health service. Instead of being a patient I am diverted to these secondary services. It's self defeating, but I guess that's the point. I'm sure if the Tories get back in, and they will unfortunately, such schemes won't last much longer anyway.