Signing On

Yesterday I made a new claim for JSA, after my ESA ran out in January. Despite being told I should claim immediately, I couldn't cope with going on JSA straight away. Turns out that wasn't an option anyway; the JC website says you must wait at least 1 calendar month. Good job the decision, which came completely out the blue, to terminate my claim (tribunal, I failed the WCA of course) left me with at least a few quid to live on. Not that this woeful welfare system gives a damn.

So today I had my interview at the jobcentre wherein the jobseeker's agreement with the claimant is finalised. Agreement is really the wrong word since it's either a choice to agree to the DWP terms or starve. Even though claimants can and do make every effort to record their 'activities' (of which there must be three per week) the JC still insist that a) you look on their 'job points' when you step into the building (don't bother) and b) that the adviser, when signing you on, looks through the same list on the computer. This is on top of you, the claimant looking on their website (the same list again) at home, daily anyway.

You also have to set out three (the magic number it seems, perhaps there's some ancient mysticism at work that powers the DWP) types of work to apply for. You can't say you'd look for or consider anything. The categories of work are the usual rubbish. It's all motivated by some urge to compel the unemployed into work as soon as possible, whatever the cost. There's no interest in offering training or support to meet individual needs to help them be the best they can be in order to benefit society to the fullest and paying taxes back that way (usually at a higher rate than the Working Tax Credit supported NMW, which seems rather self defeating).

The problem I have (other than being a lazy scrounger) is that I have an anxiety disorder. That's the reason for my ESA claim. The stupid system we have puts me in the position of having to negotiate a search for work, to abide by the rules for JSA, while staving off attempts at being bullied into unsuitable work. Of course the right wing propaganda machine currently in ascendance, thanks to the rabid moralising of the Work and Pensions Secretary, thinks all work is suitable and that work is the great panacea. It's the puritan work ethic. How is someone that has to sacrifice everything that makes them who they are, that gives meaning to their life, going to benefit because they have to work 10 hours a day and a further 2 commuting. What's the point of that? A job at what cost.

I got no sleep last night I've been so stressed out. The beta blockers prescribed me by my GP haven't really helped, and I'm not comfortable with such medication anyway (don't get me wrong I've done what he asked). All this morning and last night my head has been so screwed up. Anxiety problems coupled with what I believe to be a cognitive defect (I'm trying to get tested for Aspergers, or something similar, which is very very difficult), mean i not just focus on stressful issues, like dealing with the jobcentre, but dwelling on them to the point of tunnel vision. The rest of the world just seems unreal during such experiences. The jobcentre doesn't understand this, the system can't deal with this and so it's either pass the dreaded and dreadful ATOS WCA (which would require rigor mortis, it seems), or claim JSA with the implication you can and will do any old job and that your problems are no barrier to this (otherwise you would need to claim ESA again).

There needs to be a third way. I would happily remain on ESA if it meant foregoing the extra you get for passing the WCA - staying at the assessment rate, which also happens to be the same you get on JSA anyway. The idea is that people on ESA get targeted and focused support (at least that's the idea). That sounds much better for someone like me, but in order to reach it you need a far greater, and far more demonstrable, level of problem. For me that's not the case, and there are plenty of others with such levels, far worse than I, who are still not passing the WCA. This system fails at every turn and the fear of being left with no income (which is the consequence of falling foul of our welfare rules) is just terrifying

I'm not here to elicit sympathy or to make myself out to be more ill than I am, but everyone's problems are serious to themselves regardless. It's never objective. I find that I just cannot relate to this society, and this world. Life seems fraught and strange to me. People will say 'life is hard' regardless of whether their actual experience. We have a society where people aren't interested, perhaps not able, in engaging with others in an emotionally mature way. Instead we dismiss one another in a way that's little better than a put down. For instance you might get told when signing on that 'other people manage' in relation to problems such as hypoglycemia (which I have and which means i have to moderate my food intake, regardless of what the conditions of a job and allotted break times might be). But they don't tell you how or offer any means to do so. That way they can set themselves apart from you and they give you permission to fulfil the stereotypes that they have in their head about you as a 'scrounger' - or whatever.

That's what society has become. I'm tired.