Just another Saturday, which is to say, just another day. They have all merged into a grey mirage. Even though the weather isn't horrifically cold, it is still unmistakeably winter. Even though the weather was horrifically cold, it would be incorrect to believe the climate hasn't changed. I remember more consistently colder, frostier, winters as a kid. Perhaps my memory isn't accurate, but what we have now is just miserable weather. It is uncharacteristic, and lacks the chilly charm of a proper winter. Those days, if they ever existed, certainly don't now.
This is the canvas of our lives. The worst possible moment for a lockdown. Sometimes I wonder what I'd be doing today if things were different. It is unlikely I would be making music. There are definitely some decisions that have been facilitated by these conditions. Seeing the DWP effectively back off, though I'm sure they'd wish otherwise, means I can be more brave. As a result I have invested in my creativity in a way I probably wouldn't have done otherwise.
Conversely, there are no places to go. Where I would have gone, I do not know. But everything is like the worst possible half day closing. The legendary days of old when shops would shut for half a day, allowing staff time off. Those days are long past, now it's a 24 hour society. But I walk past places that would otherwise be open and of course they are not. The bubbling undercurrent of human activity that, even without direct participation, is a part of the experience is not present. Like a reassuring background noise, it's absence leaves you unpleasantly deaf and insecure.
Today I received some good news; my ESA case has been decided. Again in my absence. They are going to continue paying. However I'm returned in the Work Related Activity Groupe once again. This is of course no surprise, though what such activity can occur and be reasonably expected right now I do not know. It's not as if you could volunteer at the local charity shop. I've been expected a call from the DWP about another Work Focused Interview since the start of the year. One is due, perhaps this wil be the catalyst. It's not knowing when and where these decisions will be made, nor what they will be, that's always the problem. It makes planning ahead difficult. Now I can, for a while at least. But one uncertainty is always replaced by another.
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