Weekender 8: From Lockdown to Eternity

Ooh it's like Christmas. Insofar as a fat oaf, reliant on the exploited work of a mythical underclass, will bestow us a gift this evening. As I write this first par it's 9:29 in the am. Everything to play for

So it wasn't good enough that the Tories - no! Boris! BORIS! AGAIN!

It wasn't good enough that he decided the country over Brexit (arguing for both positions as and when it suited him). Now he's doing the SAME THING over lockdown. The country is now split over whether to stay in lockdown or not. How has this happened?

Here's how to tell someone they are a duly elected twat while maintaining sensible social distancing:

It's !4:19pm now. Still no word from the aforementioned duly elected twat as to what he plans to do. So far he's managed to muddy his already mixed messaging by changing 'Stay At Home' to a vague 'Stay Alert'. Once again he's anthropomorphised the virus. This is all he's got; he's out of ammo. A spent farce (not a spelling error). "If it was a physical assailant" and "stay alert". Covid isn't a human being one can observe from the safety of one's crenellations while listening to one's Vera Lynn wax disc. They are not equipped to understand what is happening, nor help the people - and the people put this duly elected twat into duly elected power!

Control the Virus! I'm not the fucking X-Men!

And the weather's turning shitty again. Ominous much?

Here's the nexus of arrogance ego and ignorance, in human (although...) form:

Stay alert? I've been clapping for the NHS since Thursday evening. pic.twitter.com/cb1hH0Fivo

— Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 10, 2020

His brave applause is worth more than actual wages, ppe, or professional support!

I'm sure you'll agree. Although I'm not entirely convinced Mark Francois isn't some deep cover satire project.

17:16pm now...apparently duly elected twat will take to the stage to cough up our futures at 7pm. I can hardly wait.

Well that was underwhelming. Essentially the Brexit messaging again; going with what works! Take back control!

So to hilariously summarise: people who work in construction should go to work, but they should not take public transport, except if they have to take public transport in which case they should.
We might reopen schools before the end of the school year, but we might not. (Even though teachers are still working of course.)
You can take unlimited exercise (in other words go out and do what you like, because you can bet that's how it will be interpreted) but you can't play sport except with your family.
You must observe social distancing and we'll increase the fine if you don't although how that will be enforced is beyond me, it's impossible to keep 2m apart near me when everyone's out cycling or jogging or walking because the lanes ain't that wide.

All this rubbish was sauteed in the lard of privilege and nationalism. Hooray for you and all you do, Britain, except we, your government, have done fuck all. We're going to continue doing fuck all (except join in with the applause despite having literally no right to do so). The vacuous sound of Tory exceptionalism; the silent invocation of the rotting racist corpse of Churchill, the sanitised spirit of the Blitz, all rolled into one thunderball. It's the Brexit messaging service all over again: take back control.

From a bloody bacteria!