And after fifteen (out of the 45, booked) minutes, my third appointment with Fedcap Employment is over. THe latest in a series of social enterprises paid and ultimately answerable to the DWP that I've been in contact with. I'm happy to dance the dance with these people, as I always am, but it always ends the same way.
None of them really can help, none of them are ever suited to help, and all of them are beholden to the capitalist state. Consequently everything is processed through certain filters. What you say is heard a certain way. If you, like me (and forgive the self indulgence), creative, you will struggle. Much, I suspect, as you do throughout life, because our society isn't geared to respect or even understand creativity - unless you can provide a clear path for your voice to come to profit. I can't give them that, who can? I have ideas; currently trying to write music. Having some success in achieving that. Ultimately that music will go to one of the many, probably quite exploitative, online outlets that exist wherein I can say "if you dig, share a bob or two". If enough people are generous thus, and inshallah, I can invest in better gear and move ever onward. But this isn't about being pop star or impressing rich businessmen who like to mould teenage dreams as clay.
In fact I maintain all my creative interests. Not just music, but also writing. This is because I, like others (I hope), are fundamentally creative souls. Not everyone is, and there is no hierarchy of value to people in that regard. Nor should there be. However life is about expression, in my view. Creativity isn't simply liking music/art/words etc. It's about the ability and freedom to express oneself; to live. Our society does not understand this, and, because of the economic model, only values it in certain and limited ways. So when I ask what, if any, financial support is available (fully expecting nothing), the answer, to be fair, isn't outright no, but depends on whether they are convinced my creativity leads to "paid employment". It could, I guess. How would I know? I don't have an order sheet from HMV, for example. This isn't Dragon's Den, it's expression. But unfortunately society is very much a nest of wyrms.
So, 15 minutes.
The most succinct (hah! I've got to pad this shit out for paragraphs!) summary is that I didn't come away feeling inspired, or even particularly positive. My expectations are already low, from dealing with their kind before. It's much the same, though fortunately not reaching Salvation Army levels of bullshit (yet). It's the tyranny of low expectations. Advertising copy that talks up how they are here to help, but in the end what can they do? These organisations are in fact a block; they take the money, through government contracts (willingly provided, it's a gravy train after all), that could sometimes be better invested directly. But even now schemes like the UBI, itself modest and still subject to capitalist control, are fiercely opposed when they have been shown to work. Helping people invest in themselves. Who else knows better? Most of the time at least; I certainly know better. At least better than I can adequately explain to someone whose listening skills are coloured by their professional filters.
My adviser (or whatever the term this time is) hears what isn't said, imagining what I'm looking for even though I haven't said it. For example, she had got it into her head that I had asked about courses to attend. I'd said no such thing, just that I'd done a couple of casual creative writing courses (more creative than formal qualification) at a local centre. The sort of place that provides arts and crafts schemes, basic skills and coaching etc, to people, many of whom are disadvantaged or disabled. It's not a university or a college, just a socially funded hub. A place that, despite her working my patch, she'd never heard of (I find that telling). I did these for creative, expressive, reasons. Not for a goal or a qualification, and not because they would ever lead to paid work. They won't, not unless you are exceptionally lucky. She just doesn't understand this; her professional filters hear something specific: I must want to do a course. Courses are the sort of specific, saleable, service these social enterprises can offer. They tick a box. Merely being creative doesn't.
But in the end she is very perfunctory, matter of fact. Almost stone faced. Bit harsh, maybe. But where's the inspiration? Though could I trust it? Given who she works for there is, unfortunately, a division between us. A hierarchy that gets in the way. That, sadly, is the real barrier to moving forward.
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